Monday, September 17, 2012

Is this 1952?

I am a woman. Derrick is a man.

I am his wife. He is my husband.

And when God made Eve, He made her to complement Adam. To support Adam. To be Adam's partner. Lover. Friend. Person.

I think marriages need roles, and families need leaders. If you were to take a snapshot of Derrick and my life - it is pretty old-fashioned in a way.


I budget the money. He worries about the money. I love my job so so much. And we need my job. At this point in my life, there is nothing in me that doesn't want to work. But I've never felt like being the provider was my role. Most men find much of their identity and confidence in their careers. Their ability to provide. And I am completely on board to support Derrick's career dreams and be appreciative of him as the provider.

He changes the oil and mows the grass and catches mice. I clean and do the laundry and cook. Derrick likes taking care of me in the way that he is comfortable with and created for. He makes sure my car is safe. The outdoor work is done. The gross mouse that paralyzes me is dead and gone. And I take care of him in the way that I am comfortable with and created for. I nurture and nest...I do our laundry and organize it in the closet. I plan our menu and cook. I find purpose in making sure our house is clean and a warm, safe haven for our family.

I speak my opinion, and he values that. He makes the final decision, and I respect that. I hardly remember a time when I disagreed with his final decision, and letting him make the final decision doesn't mean that my opinion is any less valid than his.
A team needs a leader or else chaos will ensue. A team needs a trusted captain who has the wisdom and responsibility of listening, assessing the situation, and making the final call. That's what a husband should be in his family. The team captain. And all the team members have important parts. There would be no team without all of the other members and their talents and skills and responsibilities - but there has to be a leader. And that is no easy task. It comes with pressure and responsibility and accountability.

And when my team captain calls the wrong play and we lose the point - it's my job to love him through it, not call attention to it, and have his back. That's what marriage should be. 

So we are old fashioned. We, for the most part, fall into very traditional roles. And I wouldn't have it any other way.


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