I've been married for over a year so, of course,
I'm somewhat of a marriage expert.
But I do love marriage. And I think I'm pretty okay at my marriage. With God's help. And Derrick's patience...With God's help. And my patience.
But I hate to tell you...I don't think there is a formula.
Some women would not put up with Derrick's sarcasm and seriousness long enough to see his silliness and sweetness. Some men would not put up with my ridiculous ramblings and need for perfection long enough to be welcomed into my vulnerable heart and cozy home. Some people aren't old-fashioned like us. Aren't silly like us. Don't interact like us.
If I had to put our relationship in work terms, I'm the manager, Derrick's the boss. I handle the details of our home. He has the final say on the decisions of our home. We each have a say so in both. But we naturally fall into these roles. For some couples, it isn't necessarily that way
Here's a little bit of marriage advice that I think should work for most people.
Not a feeling but a verb. Love on the other person. Love the other person. Do for the other person and be for the other person. Choose love. Every day. Every moment.
2. Be silly.
Marriage is a serious thing. But you don't have to take it so seriously all the time. Laugh. Tickle. Dance. Sing. Be crazy. Have inside jokes and crazy moments. Find the beauty...and humor...in the every day.
Talk about your day, your ideas, your passions, your purchases, your experiences...Talk about what hurt your feelings. Talk about what you appreciate. Just talk.
If I ever say anything close-to-bad about Derrick to others - with or without him around - I immediately tell him and apologize. He normally smiles at me because it has bothered me 10x more than it bothers him. But I never want to disrespect him. I want to consider him in what I say. In what I do. In how I act. I also want to consider him in how I represent our family.
My love language is Words of Affirmation. So it comes natural for me to love others that way. I still keep in mind that it is also important. To thank and appreciate and love on Derrick through telling him how awesome he is. And Derrick is really good at doing the same. It takes 3 second to give a compliment - why is this something too many people overlook?
6. Be friends.
Marry someone who is your best friend. Marry someone who you can't wait to get home to at the end of the day, put on your PJs and just hang out with. Marry someone who you have fun with in Disney World...and in your living room.
So yeah, nothing too brilliant. But some things for everyone to keep in mind...even me.