Is this 1952?

I am a woman. Derrick is a man.

I am his wife. He is my husband.

And when God made Eve, He made her to complement Adam. To support Adam. To be Adam's partner. Lover. Friend. Person.

I think marriages need roles, and families need leaders. If you were to take a snapshot of Derrick and my life - it is pretty old-fashioned in a way.

I budget the money. He worries about the money. I love my job so so much. And we need my job. At this point in my life, there is nothing in me that doesn't want to work. But I've never felt like being the provider was my role. Most men find much of their identity and confidence in their careers. Their ability to provide. And I am completely on board to support Derrick's career dreams and be appreciative of him as the provider.

He changes the oil and mows the grass and catches mice. I clean and do the laundry and cook. Derrick likes taking care of me in the way that he is comfortable with and created for. He makes sure my car is safe. The outdoor work is done. The gross mouse that paralyzes me is dead and gone. And I take care of him in the way that I am comfortable with and created for. I nurture and nest...I do our laundry and organize it in the closet. I plan our menu and cook. I find purpose in making sure our house is clean and a warm, safe haven for our family.

I speak my opinion, and he values that. He makes the final decision, and I respect that. I hardly remember a time when I disagreed with his final decision, and letting him make the final decision doesn't mean that my opinion is any less valid than his.
A team needs a leader or else chaos will ensue. A team needs a trusted captain who has the wisdom and responsibility of listening, assessing the situation, and making the final call. That's what a husband should be in his family. The team captain. And all the team members have important parts. There would be no team without all of the other members and their talents and skills and responsibilities - but there has to be a leader. And that is no easy task. It comes with pressure and responsibility and accountability.

And when my team captain calls the wrong play and we lose the point - it's my job to love him through it, not call attention to it, and have his back. That's what marriage should be. 

So we are old fashioned. We, for the most part, fall into very traditional roles. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank God...For Barnabas

I want to be like Barnabas.

Have no idea what I'm talking about? Let's dig deeper.

I've been doing a bible study on Paul. What an awesome Christian with such an amazing passion for the Lord! But he's not my focus for today. See, in the beginning of his spiritual walk, Paul had a sidekick...

His name was Barnabas.

His birth name was Joseph. But his friends called him Barnabas - because it means "Son of Encouragement". 

Barnabas was one of the first Christians to accept and encourage Paul after his conversion.

Barnabas traveled alongside Paul as a partner, mentor and encourager.Paul was the fiery zealous preacher, Barnabas was the encouraging, supportive cheerleader.

They were persecuted together. They were called Christians together. They made a world of difference together.

I wasn't given the fiery passion of Paul. And maybe that's okay.

In my life. At work. In my marriage. I want to be a like Barnabas. I want to encourage. Support. Cheer for those I love.

 

Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement), 

 sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostles' feet.

Acts 4: 36-37

He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, 

and a great number of people were brought to the Lord. 

Then Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul, 

and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch. 

So for a whole year Barnabas and Saul met with the church and taught great numbers of people.

 The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.

Acts 11:24-26

What's up with Renee?

I am low maintenance in my wants. But I'm high maintenance in the realization of those wants.

I want things to go how I want them to. I want to be in control. I want things to go smoothly. To go off without a hitch. To go like I planned and imagined.

And I pout with that doesn't happen.

What else do I pout about?

Food.

Yesterday morning I woke up early. It was a beautiful morning. Spent a little time talking to God and thanking Him for the day before heading to Bojangles for my breakfast meeting with Bethany. But I really wanted coffee. Not Bojangles.

Frozen coffee with lots of sugar and white chocolate and amazingness. Heaven in a cup. The kind of drink that real coffee drinkers don't consider coffee.

My lunch plans were to meet my mom on campus where we would get free subs at the campus Subway. But when Mom got there for lunch, I wasn't hungry. Bojangles biscuit had filled me up. We headed to Subway any way and were met with a line that could rival the Chick-Fil-A day lines...college students and free food.

So at this point I'm getting moody. I didn't get my coffee. I'm not even hungry. And our Subway date isn't working out. We change our plans, but in the process of plan changing, I hear that my favorite coffee shop is having $1 coffee all day. All coffee.

Inwardly pouting even more at this point.

But we have a nice lunch. I always enjoy my Mom-time...but all day I am still thinking of free Subway and $1 coffee. Pouting.

Finally, after work, I head over. I have a plan. I will use my Subway coupon to get Derrick's lunch for tomorrow. And then reward myself with coffee.

I wait for 15 minutes at Subway, happy to get his sub. Walk over to Creek Coffee. And the line is out the door. I have an appointment I have to get to. So I give up.

No coffee. A long day for Renee.

Yes, it's silly. Yes, I am beyond blessed. Yes, lack of coffee is NOT a real problem. Yes, I knew all of this. But what can I say...I really wanted my coffee.

So what did I do this morning? I paid a good amount more than $1...but I got my heaven in a cup.

Marriage Monday: My Person

Derrick is my person.

He. is. my. person.

Married people understand what I mean. Those who aren't married - if it's God's will - have much to look forward to when the time is right.

See...I don't think Derrick is a perfect person.
Sometimes he's a frustrating person.
Sometimes he's a silly person.
Sometimes he's the cutest person...sometimes he's not.

I know, better than anyone, Derrick's imperfections. I know and experience when he's having an off day or the best day. When he's ready to give up. When he's on top of his game.

But, no matter what, he's my person.

My person I can be completely crazy around. Completely vulnerable. Completely absurd. Completely real. 

I think that's what makes marriage. And makes marriage work.

Because he's my person. More than my partner, lover and friend. My person. Forever. We are intertwined. Our lives are one.

I think Wuthering Heights explains it best...

" If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it... My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.” 

Thank God...for His blessings!

It is Easter afternoon this year. We're all having Easter lunch at Derrick and my home. Mom and Dad arrive - carrying a nice brown cloth laundry basket. It's an adult Easter basket of sorts...and my mom can't wait for us to open it.

Inside there is chocolate bunnies. Art. Gift cards. Shower gel and perfume. Clothes. Home goods: toilet paper, windex, paper towels, etc.

Jump ahead five months. It was my birthday, and Mom and I had spent a wonderful day together shopping. We're all at their house for my birthday dinner - and she brings over a reusable grocery bag. I reach in...to find jewelry. Clothes. My favorite shower gel and body spray. A new Beth Moore devotion book.

I always feel badly when my mom goes out of her way to shower us with gifts. It's too much. Really. Yes, I love it. But I also really really appreciate it and really really would be okay just spending the time together.

But, I've come to realize and don't take for granted, my mom loves giving me gifts. 

She loves picking out things just for me. She loves putting them in nice packages. She loves watching us get excited. She loves when we open each gift. She loves sharing our inheritance with us now. And she loves knowing that the gifts she's given us will bless us in the days to come.

How much more does God, my heavenly Father, love to shower His children with gifts! He is the Creator and Lord of all the earth. Blessings are His to create and bestow. And, oh, how He loves creating blessings for us. Wrapping them in nice earthly packages. Watching His children light up with excitement. Watching us realize each gift. And knowing that we will be blessed in the days to come.

Don't take His gifts for granted. But don't push them away either. Your Father loves blessing us beyond what we could ever ask or imagine. He loves surprising us with things that only He could do!

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, 

according to his power that is at work within us,  

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,

 for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21 

 (Theme for Friday...you got it!...Thank GOD... it's Friday.)

What's up? ...Politics

I like alliteration - can you tell? So our theme for Wednesday will be "What's up?" - which pretty much gives me the freedom to write about anything and everything on Wednesday.

Today I'll write on politics. Yep, I'm going there.

First of all, I don't believe either sides' ads. Of course they're going to twist things and turn things and put on a happy face and say what the public wants to hear. They want to win, and both sides are willing to do and say what it takes to get there. A part of me thinks that anyone smart enough and trustworthy enough to be the best president is smart enough to not run for president.

Secondly, I think that both candidates are probably great fathers and great husbands. I am sure that they watch movies and eat dinner and laugh at jokes with their families. I am sure that they are loving and caring and funny. But being a great family man and being a great leader of our country aren't synonymous.

Third, I'll admit that I judge people by the stickers on their car, the status' on their facebooks, the issues that they side with, and the candidate that they support. I walk by a car for a sticker of the candidate that I like, and I respect the driver a little more. I identify with them. They feel how I feel.

I think there are some important things to consider when voting, and it has nothing to do with the color of one's skin or which candidate has picked the winning NCAA team. Here's what I look at:

1. Leadership - First of all, I think a president should be a good leader. I do not want someone who can take care of me or who spends his (or her) time taking care of everyone else.  I DO want someone who can lead the country and take care of the big issues. 
 
2. Spiritual Beliefs - My worldview is completely colored by my relationship with Jesus Christ. Which candidate has a similar spiritual world view as I do? Whose beliefs cause them to support the same issues I support and give glory to the God that America was founded on?

3. Economic Policies - Which candidate deals with taxes and healthcare and business and other economic issues in the best way for our country, for our states, and for individuals?

4. Old Fashion Values - Which candidate stands firm on old-fashioned American values? I believe that this country was founded by a certain set of rights and beliefs and goals - and I want a candidate who understand that and values that and supports that.

5. Experience - Which candidate has the most knowledge, experience and understanding of the task at hand? We need someone with experience and inside-knowledge and management skills and training in what it takes to be a leader in the political field.

6. Hardwork - I want a leader who is a hardworker and who respects my hard work. Yes, I want someone who cares about others and is ready to help when needed, but I also want someone who doesn't give hand outs to those who aren't willing to try.

With this being election year, it's hard not to have thoughts on the subject. It's hard to hold my tongue. It's hard not to let people's political beliefs shape my view of them. But - no matter who wins - I have the responsibility to support my country and pray for our leaders.

One final note:  

Yesterday, I had the privilege of seeing a young lady get commissioned into the army. No older than 20 years old, just a college student, she swore to protect our country and to be willing to give her life for my freedom. In a moment like that you realize, that is what being an American is all about. 

Marriage Monday is back...

I really want to get back in the routine of posting regularly - and with specific topics in mind...

So...Marriage Monday is back!

I was going to give you some insight on married life from my wonderful husband - but he declined the interview. :)

Then I was going to share marriage quotes with you. Other people's encouraging words and inspiring insights...but instead I want to talk about one specific quote.

If I get married, I want to be very married.
Audrey Hepburn

I love this. Too many people get married and only give 50 %. They're either lovers or best friends or partners - but they forget to be all of it.

I want to be very married.

Make decisions with my husband.

Talk about life with each other.

Worship together. 

Laugh together. 

Dance together.

Kiss a lot. 

Go out with friends and make memories together.

Be a homemaker and take care of our house. 

Dress up and look nice as a reflection of my husband.

Be a Proverbs 31 wife.

Cook dinner for us and eat together.  

Work at it together.

Share life and moments and adventures.

Vacation together.

Spend time with family together. 

Celebrate each day. Each moment. Each month.

Do it all together and wholly and completely.

I want to be very married.

So, what should you expect coming up on Marriage Monday?  

Special guest interviews from newlyweds, a couple who has been married for over 30 years, a couple who got married in their 40's, and - of course - normal Renee thoughts :) Plus, our one year anniversary will be here very soon!