Don't. Date.

I haven't written in a while. Life has been extremely busy with work, my wedding, doing video for other people's weddings, house hunting, etc. I wanted to wait until I had something meaningful to say and time to say it.

I have always had a passion for the topic of love, relationships, marriage. And I have a soft spot for women in these areas. I want to be there for those in need of advice or simply a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. I want to know what makes a relationship the best it can be and help others achieve that.

So today I want to offer some advice to all unmarried women (and hopefully some is still applicable to wives). Middle school girls who are beginning to feel the pressure or high school girls who are caught up in it all. College girls who can't find their way and don't know where they went wrong.

1. Don't date - I don't really mean it like it sounds. But I kinda do. I didn't date until I was 18 years old. I never dated in high school - and I am glad. During that time, I built amazing relationships with a group of beautiful, godly women, and I was able to focus on them without the drama and distraction of a relationship. I could enjoy that time in my life without the temptation and time that goes into dating. Those girls are still my dearest friends. They were my high school loves, and together we made a million memories.

I want girls to know that they don't always have to have a boyfriend. You don't need a boyfriend in 7th grade. You don't even need a boyfriend in 11th grade. And going with your friends to the prom is really not the end of the world. The right guy will come at the right moment - but don't rush to find him.

2. Don't stay - Don't stay in a relationship that you know isn't going anywhere. And don't stay in a relationship just so that you can have someone. That is dangerous territory - especially when you could be moving on and enjoying your life. Don't hurt people by moving in and out of relationships - but don't allow yourself to get hurt by staying in a toxic one either. So many girls know that there's something wrong, but they try to convince themselves that it will be alright if they just stay. If you're married, I say stay and fight with everything you have. If you're dating, you shouldn't have to fight so hard.

3. Don't settle - Don't settle for someone you think is not good enough. If you do that, you will always treat him not good enough. Don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you like a beautiful woman, who doesn't respect you, and who doesn't appreciate you. Good guys are still out there. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you laugh. Don't settle for someone who isn't your best friend. Don't settle for someone who doesn't agree with your values. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have a heart for God (more on that later).

4. Pray for your future husband - To me, this is the most important. I have prayed for my future husband since I was 10 or 12. Fervently. I prayed for him at that moment. Prayed he would make wise decisions. Prayed God would be with him in whatever he was struggling with. I prayed for our romance, our relationship, our engagement, our wedding, our marriage, our children...Did he feel it? Did those prayers help in make a decision or avoid temptation? I'm not sure - but those prayers helped me. They brought God into our relationships in every way. And they made me grow to love Derrick...before I even knew Derrick.

5. Think of your future husband - When you date or make romantic decisions, I would encourage you to think of your future husband. To some of you, this may seem weird. To some, it's a new concept. But think of the love that you will one day have for this person. The life that you will share. Don't do anything that could hurt him. If you can imagine telling him about it one day, and it hurts you to think about - then don't do it. (Also, would it be something that you would be okay telling your children one day? Or would it be a "don't do like Mommy did" story?). Think of how you would feel if he had done the same thing and shared it with you. What if he....How would you feel?

6. Prepare for your future husband - Not only did I pray for my future husband, I prayed for myself. As a future girlfriend. As a future wife. That I would be a cheerleader, supporter, helpmeet, and that I would uplift and respect him. I prayed that I would be who he needed and who God wanted me to be.

I was blessed with a mom who made me do chores and included me in the household duties. I may have complained then, but I'm thankful now. We easily work together in the kitchen and to this day we will talk as we fold towels. Plus, I naturally love cooking and cleaning. And I have been preparing in that way for years. I remember doing laundry and daydreaming about being married. Washing the dishes and imagining his arms around me. Mopping the bathroom tile on my knees and pretending to be Cinderella (with the colorful bubbles floating around me). There's something peaceful about a fixed bed and vacuumed floors. (Yes, I'm very Monica)...I try to save money. Balance my checkbook (I enjoy it). Try to work out every once in a while. And I've been reading 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31, and numerous marriage books as far back as I can remember. It's something God gave me a desire for - I always wanted to be a wife.

I'm not trying to brag about my wonderful domestic skills. I promise. I didn't just wake up one morning ready to be a wife - and I'm still not ready. There is so so much more that I will learn and be surprised by when I actually get married. I know I'm not prepared. And I know that there is much responsibility that comes with marriage. But I have spent years trying my best to prepare to be the best wife that I can be. And I would encourage you to do the same.

7. Put God first -  This is so important. And something that I even, at times, struggle with. I put myself first. I put Derrick first. But I need to put God first. And if you don't have a relationship with Him, I beg you to get to know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Friend. Along these same lines, find a man who is a spiritual leader. Who will support and encourage you, challenge you, spiritually. Someone who will serve alongside you. A relationship can be good without God being center, but it's not great until you invite Him in.

Hope I've encouraged you in some way today.

Leave a note to let me know what you like reading about! Feel free to ask me questions :)