Shoulder-to-Shoulder

I had a human relations class in college in which we learned that women communicate face-to-face, men communication shoulder-to-shoulder. I never forgot that. But I don't think I ever really got it either.

Derrick is perfectly fine sitting beside each other and talking. I want him to face me and look at me. I understood that was because of this difference in gender communication styles. But that was the only time that I really thought about this strong difference...until today.

Derrick likes for me to just sit with him. He often calls me in there and just wants me to stop what I'm doing and sit. Maybe the tv is on. Maybe not. We just sit there. Resting. Cuddling. Sitting. My mind runs through a million things we could be talking about. And a million things I should be doing. And most of the time I surrender, get up from the nothingness, and go on about my tasks. Cleaning. Cooking. Things elsewhere and more important than just sitting. He can sit by himself. No need to waste time. 

Sometimes when I'm over at his house he works on videos. He's at his computer, not giving me his attention, so I finally pull out a book and begin to read. I do like being alone together. Doing our own thing. But I often feel guilty - like we should be talking. We should be focused on one another. And, I'll admit, sometimes my mind complains whenever I go with him to do a video, to film a wedding, or whenever he wants to show me all of his latest computer updates. I don't understand. But it makes him excited...

He loves it when I play Mortal Kombat with him. He often asks me to play video games with him. He is perfectly content being on the computer while I watch a television show with my mother. He doesn't mind just sitting in the kitchen while I rush around cooking. He doesn't respond much when I whisper sweet things to him as we do video at church.And he doesn't like small talk.

Today I got it. We aren't wasting time just sitting there. To him, we're growing closer together. To him, it's nice to just have me there - being. For me to get up prematurely and move on to another task is like if he were to bolt in the middle of a conversation. And it truly makes his heart happy when I work with him, when I sit beside him and look at his latest computer updates, when I listen to his ideas. It means a lot to him that I'm just there. Most of the time, he prefers that to chit-chat.

We don't always have to be talking. And I don't always have to be doing. Sometimes just being is good enough.

Now, this is going to be very hard for me. I'm a doer. If I'm still for more than 5 minutes, I feel guilty - and begin to think of what I need to get up and do. And I can't stand when other people don't have that same drive and motivation to constantly be producing. To constantly be doing something. There's always something to do. Something that can be done. I need to be doing.

I need to learn to be. with him.

God created me to be his partner, his helpmeet. God created me for him. And, if being together is what he needs, then I need to be.