Friendship never ends...

The title of this blog is deceiving. Because friendships do end. All too often. People are selfish. People change. People move on. And friendships become mere memories.

But then there are friendships that seem to endure through anything. True friendships. Friendship that can sleep for months and wake up in the same place it was before. Friendships that are strengthened my memories, mistakes, and many moments. Friendships that are clothed in prayer, respect, and laughter. 

I am blessed with some of those friendships.

 

Senior year - getting ready to go see Phantom of the Opera.

Tonight I am going to my best pal's house for a Christmas party. Seven other godly, beautiful women will be there as well. I didn't meet these friends in college. Or at work. I met these beautiful women when we were nothing but girls...playing on the playground, dreaming about boys, and wondering about the future.

I have so many memories with this group of friends - as a whole. But more than that, I am blessed to have an album of memories with each friend. When their names cross my mind, a million moments play out like a movie in my heart, and I can't help but smile. I wish I could share them all with you. All of the laughter, the late night talks, the classes and the sleepovers, the beach trips, the Homecomings, the tears,  the smiles, the conversations, the boys, the mistakes, the memories...

 

Freshmen year college - Bethany's birthday

I never thought that my group of friends experienced the high school drama that is stereotypical of most teenage girls. Looking back now, though, I smile at the things we got upset over. The things we let come between us. The things that threatened to pull us apart and may have for a little while. We were so young. So caught up in our world. But that's just it...we were each others world. And, no matter how petty at times, it was a great world to be in.

 Sometimes I miss high school. No, I'm not one of those people. The ones who dwell in the past...and wish they could go back to their high school "glory days". I was not the "glory days" type. But sometimes I miss the routine of gathering around the blue lunch table and sharing our macaroni cheese and goldfish. Sometimes I miss the thrill of homecoming and the sleepovers. And I miss the moments that we took for granted.

 

2009, Bethany's wedding!

 I am so blessed that my relationship with these girls has only grown. We see a lot less of each other now. Talk a lot less. And our lives aren't daily intertwined any more. But we respect each other more. Care about each other more. Love each other more. And realize the importance of real friendship. I celebrate with these women, mourn with them, laugh with them, pray for them...

 

2010, Whitney's wedding!

So, tonight I am going to my best pal's house for a Christmas party. I can't describe how amazing it is that we're all grown up - together. Things that we once dreamt about as little girls - we now get to experience together. We've all changed, but we're all the same. And we still fit together as if nothings changed. 

Tonight I will look around the room and remember being sixteen. Remember the sleepovers where we wondered about college and boys...what we would do, who we would be, who we would marry...Tonight I will see in the faces of my friends who they were at fourteen, seventeen, twenty...but I will appreciate so much knowing who they are now. 

Tonight we will laugh about old memories. But we will make new ones.

 

Breaking Down and Building Up

Women have a way of comparing ourselves to others and building our worth based on that. I remember that someone once told me that girls checked out other girls more than they checked out guys or guys checked out girls - because we're studying them, wishing we had their legs, their hair...or we're tearing them apart, criticizing them because of our own weaknesses. Isn't this a tragedy? No one understands the heart of a woman (other than God) better than other women - and yet we exploit that fact.

It has been 2 years since I've watched The Bachelor, but this season I am completely hooked. I love the psychology of human nature. I love the desire and heart of women. And The Bachelor encompasses so many positive things that girls dream about(being wooed, romantic dates, cocktail dresses, and roses) and so many negative things that girls experience (rejection, being compared to other women, wondering if he likes you, feeling foolish, not feeling good enough)... As we watch the show, we understand how the women can feel special when he pulls them aside, but we also understand how they can feel weak and confused.

The show is set up in such a way that all of these women are constantly comparing themselves to the other women. Feeling inferior (or superior if you were Michelle) to each other. And, while I believe some of them do form real friendships, they are all hoping the other woman goes home.

I'm also studying Hannah this week (Read 1 Samuel 1&2). Hannah's husband had two wives and, while he seemed to favor Hannah and love her completely, Hannah felt second best... because she couldn't have children. Hannah was sad and bitter, desiring to have a baby. She was looked down upon by the other wife and, I suspect, she didn't feel good enough for her husband. Even though her husband loved her completely just as she was - Hannah couldn't accept that. Of course, God had a plan for Hannah - and that story has a happy ending.

Left and right we're trying to be better than the next girl. Maybe we should stop looking around and start looking at ourselves. If we all, as women, focused on trying to be the best person, the best woman, that we could be - then I think we would all come out ahead. If instead of looking down on each other, we built each other up - then it would make us all better women. If instead of flaunting ourselves to look better, we respected what we have and presented it modestly, then we wouldn't cause other women to feel inferior. If instead of trying to turn every man's head, we focused on being the best partner for the man that God has blessed us with - I think that everyone's relationship would be much better.

How many hearts would be left unbroken, relationships left intact and tears left uncried- if we quit trying to be better than each other and instead focused on building one another up and being the best we can be.

I have my flaws, and I could sit here and name off the reasons that I am not as good as so and so...but so could she. I have my imperfections. Imperfections that sometimes cause me to feel inferior and not good enough. But so does every other woman out there. And maybe if I took more time to notice the positive things about the beautiful women in my life - then little by little we could build one another up.

It's okay to want to be better. I am a firm believer in always striving to be better. Just don't spend your time and energy trying to be better than her.

4: A group of amazing, encouraging, godly friends...

I feel like some Christians live more by rules than relationship. You know those people that can pinpoint what you shouldn't be doing, saying, listening to but don't seem to have a real passion for their Savior?

I have been incredibly blessed, growing up, to have a group of amazing, encouraging, godly friends. They truly are beautiful women, and I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them.

We all come from different churches. We have different styles of worship. Some of us wear skirts to church, some wear pants, some wear jeans. Some have been in the same church their whole lives, some have struggled to find the Christian environment that is right for them. Some of us go to churches that would labeled as ultra-conservative, some go to more contemporary places of worship. Some of our churches have praise bands with drums and praise songs, while other churches have a traditional choir with hymns. Some of us may lift our hands in worship, while others bow their heads. But the message is the same. The love and joy and forgiveness and encouragement that we find in Christ is all the same!

I am so encouraged by the passion these girls show for Jesus. It has become evident, especially more recently, that they all have a heart for the Lord. We all share a realization of Jesus as our Savior and Friend. We all acknowledge and desire the Biblical plan for marriage; we aim to be Proverbs 31 wives - and we talk about this, encourage one another in this, and celebrate this desire. At lingerie parties, we openly discuss God's plan for sex and His desire for husbands and wives. We discuss our favorite Karen Kingsbury stories or share advice and encouragement through our favorite non-Fiction books (Beth Moore, Dave Ramsey, Intended for Pleasure, Love & Respect). We have coffee house discussions about which disciples we relate to the most and we bask in the realization of God's plan in our lives.

I pray for these girls. And I thank God for them. I hope they do the same for me!

Nothing Like This

It's one of those pensive, dreamy, blissful, bittersweet mornings. A lot of thoughts going on in my mind. The primary thought: I have the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world and he constantly breaks my heart with wonderfulness. I miss him when he's sitting right next to me sometimes - and it's not because we're distant. It's because I miss the future with him (that will make sense to some of you). And the soundtrack for this morning? Rascal Flatts new cd (Nothing Like This).

So, on my way into work I was listening to the cd - which may be my favorite Rascal cd ever, and definitely beats their last two attempts. I love the way music sets the tone and effects your mood. I was listening to #5 (Nothing Like This) which is a better version of God Bless the Broken Road. It talks about how he thought he'd been in love before. He'd been kissed before. He thought he had it figured out before...but now he's found the real thing - and everything before was nothing like this. So, that had put me in a romantic, wistful mood. Then the very next song is a upbeat tune that starts out with a lot of happy and the words "baby, let's pretend, we're just kids. 17 again..."

Sometimes I find myself wishing that Derrick and I had known each other forever... I wish that he had known how dreamy and crazy Whitney and I were in 8th grade. I wish he truly understood the circumstances surrounding Table Survivor. I wish he had been to our homecomings, had known my teachers, had grown up with my friends. I wish he had known that innocent, naive, dreamy, crazy, silly, often immature, boring, fun girl ...who, I noticed the other day, could have used a little more makeup and fashion sense ;)(Fortunately, I think that i'm still that girl in a lot of ways). I want to share everything with him. I want to go back and be 17 with him.

I wish he had known my Papa and had gone to all of the fish fries and BBQs. I wish he had sat there listening to the community gossip while my mom and I washed the dishes. He and I would share a smile and knowing look - sharing a million thoughts with no words. He and my Papa are a lot alike - and I wish they had known each other. I wish he had met all of my relatives at all of the gatherings that I grew up going to. I wish he had been there.

And I wish I had been there for him too. I wish I had held his hand through all of his struggles and laughed with him in all of those crazy-growing-up moments. I wish I had known all of his happy-people growing up and I wish that I had sat in class, dreaming about wearing Derrick Green's letterman jacket.

But the truth is...I don't really wish those things. God used all of those experiences, exactly how they were, to make us who we are today. To make us the right people for each other. To bring us to the point where we would finally be ready to become Derrick and Renee. God knew what He was doing - and His plan plays out more beautifully than I could have ever imagined. I love our love story! I love the way everything unfolded. The way God brought us together.

Plus, Derrick and I may not have liked each other in high school. I mean, Hilltop was incredibly small and apparently everyone dated everyone - so I may have had a chance, but not likely (and I wouldn't have taken it, even if I did). Derrick was the flirty, cute, popular, class clown, always-got-in-trouble-but-they-all-loved-him guy. Homecoming king or something like that...

I was the sweet friend to everyone. Somewhere in between popular and not. I had the best group of friends and NEVER dated in high school. I am proud of the fact that I never had a date to Jr/Sr. I was yearbook editor. And I never got in trouble in class. Ever. So, really, Derrick would have thought I was a loser in high school. Cute, but weird. And I would have had a huge crush on him, probably watching bitterly from the sidelines as he dated all the other girls.

Did I tell you that God knows what He's doing? And we're blessed that He cares that much about us!

If you're out there wondering why you haven't met the right one yet...maybe he's not the right one yet. And maybe you're not the right one yet either. Maybe God is still making you who you need to be, growing you and teaching you - so that you have a beautiful love story one day. And if, you too, find yourself wishing you had known each other all along - bask in the fact that you get to share all of those memories with each other now and that the rest of your memories will be together.

Aren't you glad that God takes the time to write your love story. He pens every word, if you let Him - and He has to set the scene and make the heroine who she needs to be before the climatic moment when she gets the hero.

...and, in fairy tales and romantic fiction, the moment she gets the guy normally marks the end of the book. Aren't we blessed that God gives us a sequel? Full of more experiences and memories.
And you'll get to continue to grow and live...together!

...And if I had the choice, I'd do it again!

Ohio: Day 1

Going to a new place is always an adventure. You get to see places you've never seen and meet people that you wouldn't have otherwise met - and my time in Ohio was no different.

The 10 hour ride up went by more quickly than we had expected - passing through snowy hills and mountains, over bridges and through small towns, finally to arrive at our destination. The drive up was filled with a random selection of tunes and random topics, tired eyes and bursts of noise to keep Derrick awake.

As soon as we got there, I had about an hour to eat and get ready before it was time for the "bachelorette party". I didn't know what to expect and my stomach was in knots as I tried to navigate around Cincinnati, but I was at ease about the party and excited to see Jessi!

Jessi met me at the door with one of our squealy hugs, and I was happy to have this opportunity to celebrate this time in her life. Jessi's friends were unbelievably amazing and sweet! It is such a blessing that God's daughters can be connected by the heart and by a shared joy and come together in celebration, and this definitely was a celebration. I met everyone, trying not to become Jessi's shadow...and a conversation about how undeniably amazing sweet tea is ensued. They didn't understand.

After we had all eaten a little, we joined together in a time to talk to God about Jessi and Evan. We prayed for a wonderful, memorable, stress-free next few days. A romantic honeymoon. And a blessed life together. A life that would help Evan and Jessi continue to grow in love with each other and grow in the Lord - serving Him side-by-side. What a blessing!

Next came our murder-mystery game. Immediately I was out of my comfort zone. Amanda explained that we would all be a character, receiving a packet of notes to tell us our biography, how to act, and what part we play in this story. I'm not at actress. I direct. I encourage from the background. I don't act. And a part of me wanted to run away...but I was the murderer (unbeknowns to anyone), so I had to push forward.

The story unfolded and everyone played their character brilliantly. When the time came for guessing the murderer - no one guessed me. Then I revealed the truth and read my confession: "...I killed her! And if I had the choice, I'd do it again!"

Although the game forced me out of my little bubble, it was a great way to get to know everyone - and left me with so many blessing and great memories!

Stay tuned for Ohio: Day 2



Departure Time: Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. Derrick and I will depart from my house on our way to Cincinnati, Ohio to celebrate the marriage of one of my best friends. This trip has been a source of much anticipation. Anxiety. Speculation. Stress. Planning. And excitement.

I am a planner. And I like to be in control. Going 10 hours away, not sure what to expect, where things are, and not knowing many people doesn't seem like a controlled situation to me. What's the traffic going to be like? Are we going to get there in time? What's Derrick going to do while I'm doing bridesmaids stuff? Did I pack everything? Do I have all the information I need?

Chill.

The truth: I'm excited. This weekend holds the promise of an adventure. An adventure that holds new things and unique situations. An adventure that isn't perfectly planned or thought out - but is holding on by faith and anticipation. An adventure that I get to go on with my very best friend.

The truth: I'm ready. This weekend holds the promise of celebration. Celebrating the love of my life and how blessed I am to have him. Celebrating all of the many blessings that God has given me in 2010 - and taking time to reflect on a truly wonderful year. Celebrating the beginning of a New Year - new blessings, new adventures, new friendships, new memories. Celebrating a marriage and my wonderful and fun friendship with Jessi Buker (soon-to-be Chiu).

The truth: I'm looking forward to it. This weekend holds the promise of a memory. A memory that no one can ever take a way. That I can hold onto forever. That Derrick and I can laugh about and find warmth in. That Jessi and I can share, a memory that will make our friendship stronger. A decade from now we'll still talk about the New Years that we spent in Ohio...and that will be something special.

10 hours in a car with Derrick, listening to new cds and snapping pictures of new places, talking about everything and nothing, laughing and singing. Meeting new friends and sharing fun times with a wonderful group of girls. An afternoon in a new city with a camera in one hand and Derrick holding the other. Celebrating a beautiful day with one of my dearest friends. That's life. That's adventure. That's celebration. That's a memory. It doesn't sound too bad, now does it?

Abundant Joy and Thanks!

I am so thankful for so many things. It would take a novel of pages to express the gratitude that my heart feels. I owe it to God's everlasting mercy to try to share a little bit of my heart and my appreciation in the form of words on a page.

I have grown up in a wonderful, loving home. With a father who provided for us above and beyond our needs; more than that, he constantly lets me know he is proud of me. He looks forward to coming home to his family at the end of each day and spending time with us. And he loves my mother and isn't afraid to say so. I am thankful for that. I have grown up in a taken-care-of, beautiful home. With a mother who worked hard to take care of us and be our number one cheerleader. She is always patient with us and has a positive attitude. She is a great example of a wife and mother. She was the contant party-planner and encourager. I am thankful for that. I have grown up in a crazy, fun home. With a brother who was like a best friend. Who was silly with me, understood me, and loved me. I am thankful for that.

I have a big, crazy, dysfunctional family. All of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents still live within 15 miles of each other. We spend holidays together. Have lunches together. And are the subject of many memories, joys, laughter, headaches, frustrations, and happy times in each other's lives. We are a crazy family. An old-fashion family. A supportive family. I am thankful for that.

I have a group of amazing, godly, encouraging friends who have been in my life, on average, a decade. It’s wonderful when you have a group of girls that you grew up with, dreamed with, laughed with, and made memories with…and now I get to witness them as they become who they always dreamed about being, embracing the future we often wondered about. What would our jobs be? Who would we marry? What did God have planned for our future? We’re there now. Living the future that, as 15 year olds, we stayed up late dreaming about.

Why were we the ones that stuck together? Why are these girls still so woven into my heart that I can't imagine my life (past, present, or future) without them? How does it work out that we only see each other 2-5 times a year, and yet our hearts stay connected as if we never left. Sure, we're growing up and, in a way, growing apart. We don't share every memory anymore. We aren't each other's primary source of laughter and comfort. Yet, we are such an amazing part of each other's lives. And over the past decade, we have made more memories and taught each other more than probably anyone else. Yay for lingerie shower # 3, # 4 is right around the corner :) I am thankful for that.

I have a wonderful, dream job that only God could have planned for. A year ago I was working at a wedding dress shop, struggling to have a positive attitude amidst the chaos. Then I planned to do Public Relations for a bakery in Apex, which would have me working chaotic hours and driving through traffic to get to a negative work atmosphere. I cried when I graduated from Campbell because I didn't want to leave. I thought the future seemed scary...When I heard, through a God-thing, about the job at Campbell, I couldn't get it off my mind. Maybe it was my answer. Maybe. I felt like if I applied then I would get it (not being vain, I just had a feeling). That was my fear. If I applied and got it then I would actually have to do the job. Was I old enough? Mature enough? Here I am. Working an amazing dream job at a place that I've always loved. Working with encouraging people who share my faith and passion. I have a wonderful boss and work family - and I am blessed with the freedom to be creative, innovative, and make a difference in the lives of students. God's plans are so much better than anything we could imagine or achieve on our own. I am thankful for that.

I have my dream guy who is constantly making me smile. Isn't it crazy to realize that Derrick was six miles away growing up? Ten miles down the road all during school. And in the next seat over the first two years of college. Yet, God worked it out so that Junior year of college I realized God had a better plan for me than the one I was currently choosing. God had a man who already made me laugh, challenged me, comforted me, made me roll my eyes, and made me smile...and God was going to allow him to become the hero in my love story. A last minute Christmas party that Derrick wasn't even supposed to be invited to changed everything. And I am so glad it did. Now I am blessed with a man I can be silly with, talk with, laugh with, have a future with. We're not perfect, but we're pretty perfect for each other. I am thankful for that.

What blessings beyond what I deserve! And to think that I have all of that in addition to a bed, air conditioning, a television, the gift of music, legs that walk and eyes that see, a car that has been faithful to get me where I'm going, food when I'm hungry, sweet tea, numerous copies of the bible, a history of godly and well-rounded education, a wonderful church that has accepted me, many families who have welcomed me into their lives, friends, coworkers and acquaintances who warm my heart, a computer to work on, a memory to smile at...and a relationship with a God and Savior who died so that I may live!