Yes Dear.

"The key to a happy marriage? When a husband learns these two little words: yes, dear."

"I have three children, including my husband."

"Oh he knows he's in the dog house...he'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"You know who really wears the pants in the relationship..."

These are all things that people say or insinuate all the time that make me cringe and make my heart sink. Do we, as women, want to be seen as naggers? Bossy? Witchy? Should we treat our husbands as children? And have you ever realized that the bed is just as much his as it is yours...why don't you go sleep on the couch?

Obviously, this is a topic that bothers me. I don't appreciate when people joke about me being the boss in my and Derrick's relationship; and I hope that I don't portray myself in a bossy manner. I don't even like when people say that the wedding is MY day. It takes two to make a marriage work - and a wedding is the celebration of that. I have to hold my tongue so that I don't give them a piece of my mind.

This is something that is portrayed very heavily on television. There probably is no better example (at least that I can think of) than Everybody Loves Raymond. And I'm sure you probably all know what I'm talking about. I feel like most shows are set up with the woman as the "boss" of the house, and the husband escaping to work or bars or the garage with friends to get away from his nagging wife. It's really sad and so far away from what God wants from us and for us. 

I think that women, in trying to be equal, started believing it was okay for us to be demeaning towards our husbands/boyfriend. If a man says something rude or belittling to his wife/girlfriend around others, people are quick to stick up for her or to look down on him for being rude. If a woman says something belittling about her husband/boyfriend, he's supposed to take it and be okay with that.

Maybe if we treat our men like a men - then they'll act like men. The truth is sometimes men spend all their time at work or end up having an affair, because they don't feel valued at home. I am NOT saying that it's an excuse and I am definitely NOT condoning cheating in any way. I am saying that we all need to feel valued, supported, loved, and respected - and home is supposed to be the haven for that.

Believing in him and encouraging him is more important than we can ever know. I do believe that women can and do have great influence. I just think that we have started abusing that power - taking advantage of men and not respecting who they are as men. Women have great responsibility in a relationship. God has given us certain talents and gifts and attributes and nurturing ways that complement the way that He created men.

After venting, I will admit that I do some times get an "I know what's best, you should do it my way" attitude, and this carries over to my relationship with Derrick. All too often I would rather him do things my way, and I can sometimes slip into treating him like a child. It's something I'm aware of and working on. So I'm not trying to preach at you (although maybe a little bit I am).

Just think for a minute before yelling at him or making fun of him or nagging at him...how would you feel if you were treated that way? Value him. Respect him. Compliment him. Love him. And become the kind of wife his friends would want, not the kind of wife he tries to get away from.