The Marriage Formula

I've been married for over a year so, of course, 

I'm somewhat of a marriage expert. 

Yeah. Right.

But I do love marriage. And I think I'm pretty okay at my marriage. With God's help. And Derrick's patience...With God's help. And my patience.

But I hate to tell you...I don't think there is a formula. 

Some women would not put up with Derrick's sarcasm and seriousness long enough to see his silliness and sweetness. Some men would not put up with my ridiculous ramblings and need for perfection long enough to be welcomed into my vulnerable heart and cozy home. Some people aren't old-fashioned like us. Aren't silly like us. Don't interact like us. 

If I had to put our relationship in work terms, I'm the manager, Derrick's the boss. I handle the details of our home. He has the final say on the decisions of our home. We each have a say so in both. But we naturally fall into these roles. For some couples, it isn't necessarily that way 

Here's a little bit of marriage advice that I think should work for most people. 

1. Love.

 Not a feeling but a verb. Love on the other person. Love the other person. Do for the other person and be for the other person. Choose love. Every day. Every moment. 

2. Be silly.

Marriage is a serious thing. But you don't have to take it so seriously all the time. Laugh. Tickle. Dance. Sing. Be crazy. Have inside jokes and crazy moments. Find the beauty...and humor...in the every day.

3. Talk. 

Talk about your day, your ideas, your passions, your purchases, your experiences...Talk about what hurt your feelings. Talk about what you appreciate. Just talk.

4. Consider. 

If I ever say anything close-to-bad about Derrick to others - with or without him around - I immediately tell him and apologize. He normally smiles at me because it has bothered me 10x more than it bothers him. But I never want to disrespect him. I want to consider him in what I say. In what I do. In how I act. I also want to consider him in how I represent our family. 

5. Compliment. 

My love language is Words of Affirmation. So it comes natural for me to love others that way. I still keep in mind that it is also important. To thank and appreciate and love on Derrick through telling him how awesome he is. And Derrick is really good at doing the same. It takes 3 second to give a compliment - why is this something too many people overlook?

6. Be friends. 

Marry someone who is your best friend. Marry someone who you can't wait to get home to at the end of the day, put on your PJs and just hang out with. Marry someone who you have fun with in Disney World...and in your living room. 

So yeah, nothing too brilliant. But some things for everyone to keep in mind...even me.

Home sick...

Staying out past 9 p.m. six nights in a row, while you're planning three big events at work, may seem like a good idea...but it's not. It will eventually catch up with you.

So here I am...sick at home.

Now, the idea of being home all day may seem fun in a far off land. It's not so fun when you're stuffy and achey and look sick. I would much prefer being at work. I like work.

I'm trying my best to rest. And Netfix is helping with that. But I still find it incredibly hard to not do anything.

I've done our budget. Read my chapters in Exodus. Journaled. Answered many emails. Written thank you notes to prospective students...

...made a wreath I've been wanting to make for a while...

...and made a couple cute signs for Derrick when he comes home. He's been so sweet while I've been sick.

So yeah, I'm praying that I'm feeling better tomorrow. So I can go back to work. And back to a busy, checking-off-the-to-do-list life. 

And I thank God for my health!

 I thank God for the ability to go to work most days! 

I thank God for my home and my husband!

Whirlwind week

This week has been a whirlwind and an ongoing reminder of how blessed we are and how busy being blessed can be. I seriously haven't been home until after 9:00 p.m....

Monday 

Monday night I had a meeting with my student ambassadors. I loved hearing what was going on in their lives and briefing them on upcoming events.

After the meeting, we headed to Derrick's mom's for a night of food and laughter and games. 

Tuesday

Tuesday night one of my best friends was down from Ohio - so we met two of our other friends for dinner and ended up talking for hours about everything. Seriously. Everything. I think the people in Moes probably heard things that they never wanted to hear and now know more about us than most of you. 

Wednesday

Wednesday after work I met Derrick, our pastor, and another church leader/friend for in Fuquay. It was nice to throw around ideas, get to know each other better, and look towards the future.

After that, we headed to our dear friends home to shoot a church video, watch some television, and just chill. Even though we weren't at our home and we were shooting a church video, it also ended up being some much needed downtime. It's nice to have friends that you can hang out with and be real with - without having to try. 

Thursday

Last night, of course, was Johnson family night. It was just us and my parents - so we talked for hours about Derrick and my future, long term goals and dreams, and life in general. My parents have an inspiring marriage, and I just think they're amazing, adorable, fun, wise people. 

Friday

Today. As I type to you, I look forward to going out with our friends Zach and Diana tonight. They are in ministry and travel a good deal, so we haven't gotten to see them much since October. It will be a big blessing to catch up and celebrate the fact that they're having a baby this summer! The first baby that Derrick's ever remotely gotten excited about. This is a big deal. 

Tomorrow

I'm coming into work for a meeting and medical school tour. Then I'm going home, putting on my pajamas, putting in a load of laundry, and relaxing.

 I think my home misses me.

Marriage is like church...

You read the title and now you're trying to figure out what exactly I mean. They both revolve around God? They both require joy and passion and love? Umm...?

Here we go...

There are some Sunday mornings that I don't want to get out of bed. I don't feel like getting out of bed to go to church. God will understand. The bed is just so warm and cozy. 

But I stick my pink-toed foot out of the covers and slowly motivate myself to get up. Get ready. Brush my teeth. Hope that my eye shadow is even and that I don't forget mascara. Choose an outfit that looks cute and friendly but not like I'm trying too hard. 

And off to church we go.

And, in all my life, I've never once regretted going to church. I've never once looked back and thought, "Man, I should have just stayed home." I always feel blessed after church. Encouraged. Sleepy, sure,  but peacefully so.

Many parts of marriage are the same way. We're selfish people. Sleep sounds so good. What we want to do sounds so good. It's so easy not to want to make an effort to love the other person. 

But I have never once regretted giving up my time to love Derrick. Never once regretted listening to him share an idea with me, playing video games with him, showering him with kisses. Sure, on the front end, sometimes I'd rather just put on my favorite tv show, read my book, or go to sleep...but, in the end, I never ever regret loving him.

So why not take some time to stick your cute-colored toes outside of the covers and make an effort to love. When the Sunday afternoon moment rolls around, you wont' regret making the Sunday morning effort :)

Moving forward...

Happy New Year!

Yesterday I was working on my goals for the New Year. Thoughtfully thinking of what I want the focus of this year to be. My husband commented, "I was going to work on my goals. I wrote down 'be awesome' and realized I was already there." Yes, he is awesome. And there is something to be said about waking up each day and just trying to make it awesome and be awesome. Of course, there's also something to be said about watching too much How I Met Your Mother. :)

I think goals and priorities are important for each stage of life, each year, each week, each day. I don't make resolutions - because I would break them. I don't make promises, because I wouldn't keep them.

 But I do try to make a list of things I want to focus on and work towards accomplishing. Last year's list included getting more involved in church, tithing faithfully, being a supportive wife, and making family and friends a priority. While I didn't achieve each goal perfectly, I can look back at 2012 and see strides towards reaching those goals. See movement. See change. 

 

Here are a few for 2013:

Prayer

  This is always a struggle for me. It's easy for me to talk to God throughout the day, harder for me to have a hardcore conversation with Him. I get distracted. I think of other things to do. I feel like I'm rambling. 

So I have come up with a prayer calendar - dedicating each day of the week to one topic of discussion (of course, not limited to that). I have written that topic in my daily planner. And I hope to stick with it. 

Read the Old Testament 

 From October to December of 2012, we were challenged (through church) to read the New Testament all the way. While I had read almost all of it many times before, I had never dedicated myself to studying it daily and in order. It was a huge blessing, very challenging and interesting. Now it's time to tackle the Old Testament...which I know will take a bit more dedication. 

Volunteer 

I'm still trying to find the right place, service, organization, etc. for this one, but I want find ways serve my community at least six times this year. God has blessed me so much, and I should take the opportunity to give back. Six times might not seem like a lot, but I want to be able to meet my goal. I wanted a starting point I could build on. (Know any good organizations that need help? Let me know!)

Vacation with friends 

 Derrick and I love vacationing together and with family, but we've never vacationed with friends before. We have been blessed with many, many fun, godly couples in our lives - and so I hope that this year we can go on an adventure and make a big memory with at least one of them!

Work out

  Yes, this is a goal of mine. I will break it. I won't be perfect. But it is a goal. At the end of last year, I gave up on working out completely, and I could feel the toll on my physical, mental, and even emotional health. So this year I'm making plans to have a steady work out plan.

Be a dedicated Christ-follower, loving wife, caring family member, hard worker, and good friend 

 These are my top five priorities throughout life. Loving those I've been blessed with. Making the most of my relationships and responsibilities. Encouraging others. Making those in my life feel special.

I also like thinking about the probable events this year holds

 (although only God knows what the future really holds):

- Work Visitation Days and Pathways

- Road trip to Charlotte with my high school best friends to celebrate my dear friend Jessica!

- Valentine's Day

- Jessica and John's wedding!

- Our Alabama friends Joel and Ashley come visit for a concert!

- My husband's 25th birthday! 

- Class Reunion!

- Vacation with friends? Mountain trip with family? 

...and many more exciting things!

Whereas you do not know about tomorrow. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and we shall do this or that."

Looking back...

This is the time where I look back at my goals for last year and reflect on how I did. I pull out the calendar for 2012 and take time to look through each month, letting each memory take me back for a moment. Tonight and/or tomorrow I will make new goals for next year and pray over each goal, each month, each moment. But for now, I reflect. 

2012 was a blessed year in so many ways. It was my first year married...and marriage is fun! It was a year full of family nights and amazing memories with friends. It was a year where we spent 3x as many evenings with others than at home alone. It was also a year with some unforeseen struggles and challenges. And I think that's the beauty of not knowing what each day will hold - not ruining the good, not dreading the not so good, and the moment of reflection at the end of it all. 

Although I could type a novella about the moments and memories, laughter and tears of this past year - there are two things that are drastically different now than when I sat reflecting a year ago...

1. Derrick's job - When we got married, Derrick was looking a job. The company he had been working at full-time before moved to California, so he spent several frustrating months looking. In the moment and looking back, I knew it was something that would strengthen our marriage and test me as a wife. It wasn't easy for him - applying to dozens of jobs to hear nothing back. It wasn't easy for me - going to work when my husband wasn't. But we made it through stronger. He took a job in November of 2011, 6 weeks after we were married, working for HHGregg...which meant that we would have to get used to him working many long nights. It gave me plenty of time to clean and clean, to hang out with friends and family and clean...and miss him. Working retail during the holidays meant getting home at 11:30 p.m. and working Saturdays. Once again, I knew God was providing for us and also teaching us something. 

In January, Derrick was in Fuquay looking for a certain address. I had given him the wrong information, and he had to turn around to head a different way. He pulled in a strip of hidden stores behind Ruby Tuesday and turned around in a parking lot...the sign on the door said "Amazing Videos". Wanting to find something different than HHGregg, Derrick googled the company, emailed the owner, and began working there part time. The owner and his family were friends of friends and go to the church I went to as a teenager...Now, Derrick works there full time as the Media Director. It was such a God-thing and such a blessing, and we're excited to see what's to come!

2. Church - When Derrick and I started dating, because I didn't have a lifetime church family, I started going to Hilltop with Derrick. That was a blessing to me and helped build upon the foundation of my faith in many ways. After we got married, though, I think both Derrick and I started looking at and thinking about our place in church - what we wanted to be as a part of the church body and what we wanted in a church. 

We decided to start looking new churches after New Years, and we ended up visiting Relationship Church. Aaron and Whitney invited us when they were down helping with the children's ministry. The first Sunday I was unsure. It was all so new and different. 

After visiting a few more churches, Derrick felt like Relationship was the one, and I'm glad that I follow his wise leadership. I contacted an old friend of mine who went there with tons of questions. Finding a church, making sure you agree with the doctrine, etc. is a big deal and was something new for us. Just two or three weeks after, we visited a life group, Derrick had lunch with the music director, and we had dinner with he and his wife. Before I knew it, we were involved in a life group, and I was a greeter for our First Impressions team.

Now, so many of our friendships, so much of our laughter, so many moments and memories have come from Relationship and the relationships we have made there. I can't believe how much this one change has colored our past year. We have made many lifelong friendships and an eternal church family. When we started going a year ago, Relationship had just started itself - only a few months old. It has been awesome to see the church grow, meet new people along the way, see the changes God has brought...and it's exciting to look forward to what's to come! 

Merry Christmas to all!

Merry Christmas! 

I am cozy on our mattress in the living room - left there from our Christmas Eve sleepover last night. Derrick's playing his new video game to my left, and I'm reflecting on and anticipating many things.

But I'm also reflecting on how awesome my God is. How awesome my family is. What this time of year is all about - and what Mary must have been pondering all those years ago. I'm reflecting on our time with family. The laughter. The conversation. The games. The food. The music. The traditions - old and new. The gifts. I'm reflecting on my blessings - and why God chose to give them to me.

And I'm anticipating... watching Brave. See, many weeks ago, I casually mentioned that the only movie I could imagine wanting for Christmas was Brave. I didn't think Derrick noticed. I hardly remembered myself. So tonight when I unwrapped the DVD and a Brave coloring book - I started crying and blabbering on about how sweet it was.

I'm anticipating tomorrow. I am ready to post-Christmas clean the house. Our spare bedroom has about 100 Amazon and Christmas boxes. Our Christmas presents need to find their home, the place where they can be used and enjoyed and appreciated. The kitchen needs to be cleaned. Our mattress needs to again rest on the box spring and be dressed in our new comforter set.

I'm anticipating this next week of rest and errands and cashing in gift cards and a day-date with my best pal (first time it's been just the 2 of us since my wedding day, i think) and time with my Mama and a rockin' Christmas party with my high school girlfriends.

I'm anticipating New Years and the new year. New Years Eve with the Greens - probably eating yummy food and bowling and spending time with God, praying for 2013! And a new year, for new goals, new beginnings, new memories, new adventures, new moments...

I hope you and your family had a very wonderful Christmas - and I hope you have a very happy New Year!