10 months already!

As of August 1, I will have been married for 10 months! We just booked our first anniversary cruise today - woot! It's still weird for me that I'm Derrick's wife. But I can hardly remember what it was like before we were married...and every day has been a blessing, a learning experience, an adventure, a memory...

What advice would I give you about marriage after 10 months (and, yes, I know it isn't that long...but I still have advice)...

1. Choose to love. Yep, love's most important function is an action, not a feeling - especially when you don't feel it.

2. Compliment and appreciate. Build each other up and take time to notice.

3. Hang out. Be best friends. Watch your favorite show together, laugh together, tickle each other, do every day life together. For better or worse.

4. Worship together. Go to church together, serve together, pray together.

5. Sing and dance and laugh. Singing's our favorite.

6. Be okay not always being together. And be okay always being together.

7. Know when it's not worth fighting over. When it's not worth hurting over. Most things that annoy you in that moment aren't worth hurting your marriage or your person over. One thing I am not okay with in marriage is bashing or putting down the other person - whether or not they're around.

8. Make time for family and friends together. Derrick and I love our time with our family and friends...it gives us opportunities to grow in friendship with others, to make new memories, to inspire and be inspired, and to grow as a couple and individuals.

9. Hug each other. Probably my most consistently favorite part of the day is the after-work hug. I rest in it. I feel safe in it. I feel loved. The world, the day, the dinner...all disappears for just a moment. 

10. Look at the big picture. Dream together. See every blessing. Celebrate every small victory. Enjoy every memory. Treasure every small romance. Pause the chaos and look at every dream come true. Don't be so caught up in being busy that you ignore being blessed.

Better with time...

I have been married two months and four days. I am no expert on marriage, although I'd like to believe that I have some insight on what it takes to be a good wife. I'm not perfect, and I don't claim to have the perfect marriage. I have no idea what the next month or year or lifetime of marriage is going to hold. All I know is that I will look over and see my best friend - even in the moments when I may forget that he truly is my best friend.

So what have I learned after two months of being married...

So far it has only gotten better. It's a mixture of comfortable and crazy about each other. Of flame and friendship. Of dependence and independence. Of understanding and mystery. 

It's fun when discovering new things about each other collides with the comfort of things you've always loved. 

I like that when we're watching TV, enjoying the simplicity of life and not doing anything too extraordinary, I can reach for his hand. And when I just need to feel him, he's there. 

I like that we have a routine, but that sometimes precious moments interrupt that routine and result in warm memories. 

I like that when I wake up in the middle of the night, he wakes up too. 

I like that we can be boring together. Silly together. Childish together. Adults together. 

He's my person. My person to hold me. My person to put out mousetraps and check them for me. My person to frustrate me and put up with me. My person to teach me and learn from me. My person that God thought of when He created me. My person. My best friend. My husband. 

Marriage isn't this miraculous fairy tale that is so different than life before. Marriage is simply a really cool extension of your relationship. A partnership that you don't' share with anyone else. A friendship that only the two of you truly understand. It's living life together...and sometimes in the middle of living life together you get some pretty amazing fairy tale moments. Some pretty awesome memories. Inside jokes. Laugh until you cry moments. 

I tell Derrick sometimes that I like that we can be "four year old best friends". And, while marriage means that we have bills and someone to share them with, responsibility and someone else to think about...it also means having that person that you think is really cool. That person that helps you discover the world. That you can sit beside and do nothing. That you can laugh with and go on adventures with. 

And one of my favorite moments is when my husband looks at me and says "You're my best friend."

 So, if you expect marriage to be all magical moments, roses, chocolates, and being swept off your feet - you may not be ready (not saying those things shouldn't happen occasionally). If you expect marriage to be really easy or if you expect marriage to be really hard or if you expect marriage to be completely life changing - maybe you should reevaluate. 

But if you're excited to grasp his hand and walk through life together - enjoying the boring, laughing at nothing, talking through your frustrations, putting your self aside sometimes, praying for each other, discovering new things, being comfortable with each other, working together, being best friends - then marriage is one of the coolest things ever!

Power of a Compliment...

On Mondays my blog will focus on Marriage. Marriage advice. Things I've noticed from being married. Wedding insight. Anything related to marriage.

Today I want to talk about the power of a compliment in life, but more specifically in marriage.

I think one of my favorite things about my and Derrick's relationship has always been the fact that we appreciate it other - and we let the other one know it. And it makes me sad to realize that some couples are not like that. Words can be so powerful and, while they don't always trump actions, they can heal and uplift and encourage. Or hurt and break down and push away.

Men need encouragement just as much as women. They need to be admired and respected more. They need to feel like a man, a protector, a provider. I try my best to find specific and general ways to compliment Derrick. To build him up. To show him that I appreciate who he is. Don't just think that because he's a strong man he doesn't need to hear that you love him. And respect him. And how you love and respect him. There are so many kind words that you can share with your husband, and I encourage you to try it today:

"I appreciate all you do for me."

"You make me feel safe."

"You make me laugh like no one else does."

"You're handsome. I love your smile."

"The way you think and figure things out amazes me."

"I'm proud of who you are and all you've overcome."

"I like watching you work (or play video games or play sports or whatever his hobby is)."

"I like talking to you about things. Your opinion is important to me."

"Thank you for taking care of me."

"Thank you for taking time with me."

"Thanks for taking me out to eat the other night; I really enjoyed the evening."

Be creative. Be honest. Be specific to your husband (or boyfriend...or best friend...or parent...or sibling).

Now, I will brag a minute on my husband. Yesterday I was walking through the living room, and Derrick looked up at me and said, "You're beautiful. I'm not sure if I've told you that yet today. But you're beautiful."  And sometimes when we're eating dinner or lying in bed, he'll tell me, "You're a wonderful wife. I probably don't tell you that enough, but you are." Even if I don't feel beautiful or agree with him - it makes me feel secure that he notices.

Women need to be adored. And we want to feel appreciated and needed. Or at least I do. It means so so much to me when Derrick takes those seven seconds to look into my eyes and appreciate who I am.

If you're married, I hope that your husband appreciates you. If he doesn't, start by respecting him with your words and actions, and I pray that he, over time, will follow by adoring you. If not, I think you're amazing and strong for loving him - keep loving him. 

If you're not married, find a man who makes you feel appreciated. You may not need compliments. You may prefer gifts. Or a man who cooks dinner for you. Just make sure he makes you feel worth everything. And do your best to make him feel the same way.