'Til Death Do Us Part...For Now.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that it's crazy that all brides and grooms stand up on their wedding day so happy and so sure that their love is going to last forever. And yet so many marriages end. So many spouses hurt each other, leave each other, destroy each other.

I've only been married a year, so I could hardly offer this person an abundance of advice or comfort. He or she has their reasons for doubting, and I wanted to be able to fix it. I'm no marriage expert, but I do have a few thoughts on the situation. 

It is scary. That someone else holds so much power to devastate my world. That I am trusting someone else with so much of my life, my security, my reality, my heart.

But you can't let it be scary. You can't focus on the people who didn't get it right. You have to decide that not getting it right is not an option.

You have to be wise in choosing. 
And once you choose...
You have to be determined.
You have to be committed.
You have to choose to love.
You have to give it everything you've got. 
You have to never let leaving be an option.
You have to realize the other person is just a person.
You have to lean on GOD to complete you, because other people can't help but hurt you sometimes.
You have to pray a lot.
You have to laugh a lot.
You have to talk a lot. 
You have to be honest with each other.

You can't let it be scary. 

You have to let it be fun.
You have to let it challenge you and teach you.
You have to grow.
You have to be best friends.
You have to have inside jokes and things that no one else understands.
You have to surround yourself with loving friends and family.
You have to make time for just the two of you.
You have to start traditions.
You have to be silly together.
You have to look out for each other and be each others biggest fan.
You have to forgive imperfections.

 You have to choose to be married. Today and every day. 
And so far, I've found marriage to be pretty awesome. 

(In this post, I am not suggesting that anyone stay in an abusive household.
 If that is the case with your family, you should seek counseling and stay somewhere safe.)

Is this 1952?

I am a woman. Derrick is a man.

I am his wife. He is my husband.

And when God made Eve, He made her to complement Adam. To support Adam. To be Adam's partner. Lover. Friend. Person.

I think marriages need roles, and families need leaders. If you were to take a snapshot of Derrick and my life - it is pretty old-fashioned in a way.

I budget the money. He worries about the money. I love my job so so much. And we need my job. At this point in my life, there is nothing in me that doesn't want to work. But I've never felt like being the provider was my role. Most men find much of their identity and confidence in their careers. Their ability to provide. And I am completely on board to support Derrick's career dreams and be appreciative of him as the provider.

He changes the oil and mows the grass and catches mice. I clean and do the laundry and cook. Derrick likes taking care of me in the way that he is comfortable with and created for. He makes sure my car is safe. The outdoor work is done. The gross mouse that paralyzes me is dead and gone. And I take care of him in the way that I am comfortable with and created for. I nurture and nest...I do our laundry and organize it in the closet. I plan our menu and cook. I find purpose in making sure our house is clean and a warm, safe haven for our family.

I speak my opinion, and he values that. He makes the final decision, and I respect that. I hardly remember a time when I disagreed with his final decision, and letting him make the final decision doesn't mean that my opinion is any less valid than his.
A team needs a leader or else chaos will ensue. A team needs a trusted captain who has the wisdom and responsibility of listening, assessing the situation, and making the final call. That's what a husband should be in his family. The team captain. And all the team members have important parts. There would be no team without all of the other members and their talents and skills and responsibilities - but there has to be a leader. And that is no easy task. It comes with pressure and responsibility and accountability.

And when my team captain calls the wrong play and we lose the point - it's my job to love him through it, not call attention to it, and have his back. That's what marriage should be. 

So we are old fashioned. We, for the most part, fall into very traditional roles. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Marriage Monday: My Person

Derrick is my person.

He. is. my. person.

Married people understand what I mean. Those who aren't married - if it's God's will - have much to look forward to when the time is right.

See...I don't think Derrick is a perfect person.
Sometimes he's a frustrating person.
Sometimes he's a silly person.
Sometimes he's the cutest person...sometimes he's not.

I know, better than anyone, Derrick's imperfections. I know and experience when he's having an off day or the best day. When he's ready to give up. When he's on top of his game.

But, no matter what, he's my person.

My person I can be completely crazy around. Completely vulnerable. Completely absurd. Completely real. 

I think that's what makes marriage. And makes marriage work.

Because he's my person. More than my partner, lover and friend. My person. Forever. We are intertwined. Our lives are one.

I think Wuthering Heights explains it best...

" If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it... My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.” 

Marriage Monday is back...

I really want to get back in the routine of posting regularly - and with specific topics in mind...

So...Marriage Monday is back!

I was going to give you some insight on married life from my wonderful husband - but he declined the interview. :)

Then I was going to share marriage quotes with you. Other people's encouraging words and inspiring insights...but instead I want to talk about one specific quote.

If I get married, I want to be very married.
Audrey Hepburn

I love this. Too many people get married and only give 50 %. They're either lovers or best friends or partners - but they forget to be all of it.

I want to be very married.

Make decisions with my husband.

Talk about life with each other.

Worship together. 

Laugh together. 

Dance together.

Kiss a lot. 

Go out with friends and make memories together.

Be a homemaker and take care of our house. 

Dress up and look nice as a reflection of my husband.

Be a Proverbs 31 wife.

Cook dinner for us and eat together.  

Work at it together.

Share life and moments and adventures.

Vacation together.

Spend time with family together. 

Celebrate each day. Each moment. Each month.

Do it all together and wholly and completely.

I want to be very married.

So, what should you expect coming up on Marriage Monday?  

Special guest interviews from newlyweds, a couple who has been married for over 30 years, a couple who got married in their 40's, and - of course - normal Renee thoughts :) Plus, our one year anniversary will be here very soon!

10 months already!

As of August 1, I will have been married for 10 months! We just booked our first anniversary cruise today - woot! It's still weird for me that I'm Derrick's wife. But I can hardly remember what it was like before we were married...and every day has been a blessing, a learning experience, an adventure, a memory...

What advice would I give you about marriage after 10 months (and, yes, I know it isn't that long...but I still have advice)...

1. Choose to love. Yep, love's most important function is an action, not a feeling - especially when you don't feel it.

2. Compliment and appreciate. Build each other up and take time to notice.

3. Hang out. Be best friends. Watch your favorite show together, laugh together, tickle each other, do every day life together. For better or worse.

4. Worship together. Go to church together, serve together, pray together.

5. Sing and dance and laugh. Singing's our favorite.

6. Be okay not always being together. And be okay always being together.

7. Know when it's not worth fighting over. When it's not worth hurting over. Most things that annoy you in that moment aren't worth hurting your marriage or your person over. One thing I am not okay with in marriage is bashing or putting down the other person - whether or not they're around.

8. Make time for family and friends together. Derrick and I love our time with our family and friends...it gives us opportunities to grow in friendship with others, to make new memories, to inspire and be inspired, and to grow as a couple and individuals.

9. Hug each other. Probably my most consistently favorite part of the day is the after-work hug. I rest in it. I feel safe in it. I feel loved. The world, the day, the dinner...all disappears for just a moment. 

10. Look at the big picture. Dream together. See every blessing. Celebrate every small victory. Enjoy every memory. Treasure every small romance. Pause the chaos and look at every dream come true. Don't be so caught up in being busy that you ignore being blessed.

Pillow talk

As a teenager, there was one part of marriage that I was looking forward to the most.

I would lay in bed, stare at the empty pillow beside me, and wonder who it would one day belong to. Imagine him being there. Long for him. Pray for him. 

I couldn't wait for pillow talk. Whispers in the darkness. Someone on the other side of the bed. 

 

Last night, despite my normal tendency  to head to bed with a book in my hand earlier than most, I wasn't tired when we got in bed at 10:45. It was probably due to the fact that we had a wonderful weekend - full of friends and family, house cleaning, grass mowing, video game playing, work accomplishments,  etc. 

Sitting up on my elbows, I asked Derrick what his week looked like at work...I figured he would be tired, uninterested, and give me a short answer. 

...Two hours later we were finally attempting to go to sleep.

It was a sleepover kind of night. Young ladies out there know what I mean. When girls have sleepovers, they don't spend hours into the night playing video games, instead they get in their sleeping bag, turn out the lights, and spend hours whispering "what ifs" and "i wish" into the darkness. They say what's on their mind and in their hearts until finally the last one speaks to a quiet, sleeping audience. Then they too will roll over and drift off.

Derrick and I did that. We talked about work. About life. About church. A little bit about everything. We shot whispers into the darkness. Shared our heart. Shared our frustrations. Shared our blessings.

It was one of my absolute favorite nights since we've been married. A night full of pillow talk. Laughter with my best friend. Life-talk with my partner. Seeing the heart of my husband. Teenage Renee's dream come true. A reminder of my blessings.

After knowing each other six years, dating over three, and being married nine months, most of our conversations our pretty simple. Every day. But sometimes a moment will catch you off guard and pour out blessings...

Best day!

Do you have a best day? Or at least a handful of best days? Days that are forever captured in your memories. Days that wrap around you like a warm blanket or give you peace like a crackling fire place. Maybe you have that one day that changed everything. The day that upon waking up you had no idea this day would hold forever.

It's not normally the days we would think. Birthdays, Christmases, vacations, and even your wedding day all come with expected excitement. Preparations are made for the day to be memorable. But the best days are those that sneak up on you. Whisper to you. Take you by surprise. The secret days - that are special only to you. That no one else experienced quite like you did. The days that you tell your grandkids about...

December 8 is that day for me.

 It started out like any other day, I’m sure. Of course, there had been some preparation for the day and plans for how it should be spent. I don’t remember if I felt any different that morning as I woke up and got dressed… I know that I tried to look good on purpose - I wore my favorite jeans, a green turtleneck, and boots - excited by what the day would bring. There must have been some subconscious knowing; I mean, don’t you think you’d feel it if the entire course of your world was about to change? 

For me, the Org Comm exam that morning was easy. The peaceful, crazy anticipation for the afternoon didn't get in my way. I spent the afternoon upstairs in the Communication Studies office with the only boy that I wanted to spend my afternoon with. We played Friends Scene It (I won), listened to music (which is always intoxicating...I still remember the sound of it all), and watched Monk (not my favorite, but I would’ve watched anything). 

There was a Christmas party that night for work-study students. I had helped plan the party. Derrick wasn't even a work-study student, but he was invited. We had an hour to spend before we could head to Tara’s for the party and plans had been made for Derrick to give me a tour of the convocation center on campus. We walked there and walked to the natatorium, talking about Jack Frost... we walked to the pharmacy building and to law building, taking a brief break from the walking to get a quick football lesson…we saw one of our classmates in a tree and walked across the street, the party quickly approaching and the line between friendship and something more slowly evaporating. I remember how it felt to be inches away from him. I felt warm, despite the chill in the air. So alive.

The party was typical at first; food, conversation, and a game of Balderdash. There were only a few of us there, which made it more enjoyable and intimate. We played catchphrase, and I remember sitting close to Derrick, aware that I was doing so. Quiet conversations were whispered between us as the night went on. We were friends - that was natural. Then it came to the part of every memorable evening – the part where everyone’s quiet, cozy. The part of the evening when your dreams start creeping into reality and you become more romantic and dreamy, more wistful and pensive. It’s the time of night when all of your emotions and dreams, all of your fantasies and romances are heightened. 

The girls were discussing what was romantic and, after some disagreement, we asked Derrick his opinion. Of course, not wanting to give an answer, he said that it depended on the girl. This only worked to inspire us, and we spend at least half an hour creating a fictional girl and a fictional guy – wanting Derrick to write their love story. That was the creation of Mark and Natalie; a fictional couple that would awaken a real life love. I remember being curled up in a chair, romantically sleepy, listening to every word that he said; Derrick was sitting up against the chair, and it felt right. Everything about the moment was perfect. As the story of Mark and Natalie began, I didn't want the night to end.

Derrick and I left at the same time, and I gave him his Christmas present when we were at the car. It was a copy of "The Notebook" that I had picked up for $3 and his favorite chocolates. A loaded gift, sure, but he had never seen the Notebook before - and I thought that was a tragedy. He said he'd have to find the right girl to watch it with. After a little friendly banter brimmed with flirty undertones, he asked me if I just wanted to get married (not to him; do not get confused)… and it was that question, what he was implying, and all of the doubts that came along with it that made me honestly reconsider things. I hesitated to answer, and then answered what I thought the answer should be. I was happy in my separate life, and no one looks forward to change. But I could be happier. And sometimes change is for the better.

I think it's safe to say that neither of us slept much that night. Or that whole next month. The story of Mark and Natalie evolved through email. Trips to Tara's office became an outlet for each of our questions. Hundreds of emails and hours of instant messaging made my hardest Christmas break my best Christmas break. 

Now, as I think back on it - I still feel it. The butterflies in my stomach. The nervous comfort of being near Derrick Green. The sweet romance of being cuddled in that chair, the feeling of Derrick only inches away from me. I can see myself - so young, so curious, so scared, so crazy about him - standing in the streetlights, knowing that my world was about to change forever. And it did. 

I would love to share with you the rest of our story. The fall we fell in love. The January we made it real. The February I became his girlfriend. The March we said "I love you". But today I had to share with you the secret of December 8. I hope each of you have your own December 8.

Songs sometimes explain moments better than I can, and these are two that take me back to that night: 

 Fearless!

Gotta Be Somebody

How's Married Life?

There are always those "small-talk" phrases that make people feel comfortable. "How's school?", "How's work?", "How's the wedding planning?"...

How's married life?

This question always causes me to pause for a moment. Do they want a simple answer? Do they want details? Really...what are the expecting me to say? That's it's bad? That I wish I had never gotten married? That single life was so much better? (None of which are the case.). So...

It's good. 

Sometimes I'll even throw in an anecdote about how Derrick says: "It's busy. Lots of Campbell."

So, how's married life? 

It's happy.

It's cozy.

It's busy.

It's fun. 

It's silly.

It's adult.

It's magical.

It's normal.

It's comfortable.

It's butterflies.

It's adventurous.

It's settled.

It's friendship.

It's romantic.

It's work.

It's love. 

And, for those who actually want the details. How's married life?

It's more normal than I could have imagined for Derrick and I to just be together. It isn't so much different than dating, but we don't have to say goodbye. We get sleep together. We get to do separate things together. It's not choosing his house or mine - it's hanging out at our house. It's comfortable, and we quickly settled into our routine. But being settled doesn't mean there aren't magical moments. Whether it's a moment full of romance or we're just watching a scary movie in our living room, it's passionate friendship and it's wonderful.

It's great to have a home of our own in so many senses of the word. We get to go grocery shopping together (Aldi is awesome). I get to cook supper for us, and we eat together. I clean, and he does the laundry. We watch television together. He works in his office while I read in bed. And I can't fall asleep until he's joined me. It's nice to have that place to come home to and that person to come home to. Our house has become our haven, but Derrick is  my home. 

It's being partners in life. Looking at our budget together and looking forward to making Christmas lists and deciding how much to spend on people. It's deciding what we want for supper and sharing our thoughts and passions. It's falling into place on who does what chores. Learning new things about each other. Figuring out the world - but doing it together. It's holding hands.

Married life is good. Great. But so much more than that.

Power of a Compliment...

On Mondays my blog will focus on Marriage. Marriage advice. Things I've noticed from being married. Wedding insight. Anything related to marriage.

Today I want to talk about the power of a compliment in life, but more specifically in marriage.

I think one of my favorite things about my and Derrick's relationship has always been the fact that we appreciate it other - and we let the other one know it. And it makes me sad to realize that some couples are not like that. Words can be so powerful and, while they don't always trump actions, they can heal and uplift and encourage. Or hurt and break down and push away.

Men need encouragement just as much as women. They need to be admired and respected more. They need to feel like a man, a protector, a provider. I try my best to find specific and general ways to compliment Derrick. To build him up. To show him that I appreciate who he is. Don't just think that because he's a strong man he doesn't need to hear that you love him. And respect him. And how you love and respect him. There are so many kind words that you can share with your husband, and I encourage you to try it today:

"I appreciate all you do for me."

"You make me feel safe."

"You make me laugh like no one else does."

"You're handsome. I love your smile."

"The way you think and figure things out amazes me."

"I'm proud of who you are and all you've overcome."

"I like watching you work (or play video games or play sports or whatever his hobby is)."

"I like talking to you about things. Your opinion is important to me."

"Thank you for taking care of me."

"Thank you for taking time with me."

"Thanks for taking me out to eat the other night; I really enjoyed the evening."

Be creative. Be honest. Be specific to your husband (or boyfriend...or best friend...or parent...or sibling).

Now, I will brag a minute on my husband. Yesterday I was walking through the living room, and Derrick looked up at me and said, "You're beautiful. I'm not sure if I've told you that yet today. But you're beautiful."  And sometimes when we're eating dinner or lying in bed, he'll tell me, "You're a wonderful wife. I probably don't tell you that enough, but you are." Even if I don't feel beautiful or agree with him - it makes me feel secure that he notices.

Women need to be adored. And we want to feel appreciated and needed. Or at least I do. It means so so much to me when Derrick takes those seven seconds to look into my eyes and appreciate who I am.

If you're married, I hope that your husband appreciates you. If he doesn't, start by respecting him with your words and actions, and I pray that he, over time, will follow by adoring you. If not, I think you're amazing and strong for loving him - keep loving him. 

If you're not married, find a man who makes you feel appreciated. You may not need compliments. You may prefer gifts. Or a man who cooks dinner for you. Just make sure he makes you feel worth everything. And do your best to make him feel the same way. 

11.01.11

I have been married for one month. In some ways it seems like longer - like we're already an old married couple. In some ways it feels like we just got married yesterday. I still can't believe I'm married. It feels so normal. It just faded into being - no crashing and clanging - I just woke up, and he was there. It felt right.

I have learned some things after being married a month, and a lot of what I learned while dating has been put into practice as well.

1. Always think before you speak. Sometimes Derrick will leave clothes lying on the floor or will neglect doing something that I think he should have. Sometimes I disagree with something he did or I'm having a bad day and find it easy to have negative thoughts. But it's important that before speaking, before nagging, before becoming negative and hurting him - I play out the situation. I take a step back. Is it worth it? Is it really that big of deal? Or is it something too small to make a big deal over. Too many women make their husbands bitter towards them because they constantly nag and criticize them. And I will not let that happen.

2. Sometimes it's nice just to be in the same house. Derrick and I are both independent in a way. We need our alone time. Time to enjoy ourselves and re-energize. I like watching netflix, reading, writing...he loves playing Battlefield. And sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's nice to just know that your person is in the next room.

3. It's easy to become too comfortable. Our house is very comfortable. Being with Derrick is very comfortable. And sometimes all I want to do is cook and then relax. Do nothing at night. Watch a lot of television. Just be. It's harder to be the creative, organized, productive housewife than I had imagined it would be- it's easier to just hang out and relax. But I'm working on it. Blogging again. Looking forward to getting another book printed. Working on our budget - and paying our first bills. Taking time to read. And hopefully adding some more projects to the mix. It's nice to be Derrick's best friend and watch television together - but it's also important to do more.

4. Aldi is awesome. If you've never grocery shopped at Aldi - do it. Derrick and I went there the day after our honeymoon to fill up our pantry - and we've made it our Sunday afternoon date every since. They have everything you need - and they'll save you a lot of money. Newlyweds - Aldi will fit very nicely into your budget :) Go there.

5. Going to church together is important. Derrick and I have been going to church together since we started dating, and we've been doing the video ministry together for a year. It is so important that we make time for God together. We worship together. We learn together. We serve together. We get up, get out of bed, and go to church together. We're now in a married couples Sunday school class - and I think that's going to be a big blessing in our growth as a couple and with the Lord.

6. There isn't enough time. Priorities are a tough thing to get in order. I want to be able to do it all. And sometimes I just want to do nothing. I work a lot - and I LOVE it. I often (happily) volunteer for or create new events that take place in the evening or on the weekends. This is fun for me - maybe not so fair to Derrick. At the same time, I need time to spend with God. I want to make witnessing and sharing Him more of a priority. And I need time to focus on Derrick. One night a week is with my parents. One night a week with Derrick's mom. I want to make time for friends. I want to read and write. I need to work out. I want to be involved with a bible study. I want to make time for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I need to cook and clean and take care of our home. So many things compete for our time and attention - and it's important to know when to say No and when to make time for something. I'm still struggling with the saying "No."

7. I'm bad at bills and paperwork...and God help me when it's time for taxes. I like to believe I'm good with money - I'm just not good at the paperwork part of being an adult. I'm really dreading tax time. 

8. It's nice to have someone on the other pillow. Marriage is a blessing. It's having your best friend, your partner, your lover. It's laughing and getting frustrated and talking and singing and relaxing. It's a million answered prayers and a million more whispered prayers. Once God brings you to the right one, I highly recommend marriage.

Just Married!

As you can tell, my blog is currently under construction and may be that way for a little while. Thanks for your patience - it will be an awesome newlywed/wifey blog once it's all updated and finished.

I haven't blogged in a while...I was busy getting married, becoming a wife, and loving my husband! I've also been really busy at work - this next month is probably my busiest of the year. But, of all of my faithful readers, I wanted to update you on life. More wedding/wife blogs will be coming.

The week before my wedding my mind was more on work than the dream day quickly approaching. I was hardly as excited as I felt I should be - and that made me sad. And worried. In fact, the Thursday night before my wedding - I was more depressed than excited. But that all changed on Friday. I was off work - and it was the day before my wedding. The day before the moment I had prayed for my whole life. God was already there blessing it.

Friday was wonderful, relaxed, blessed...and then busy. Rain at the rehearsal didn't get us down. Everything went as smoothly as it could have. And Derrick and I quickly realized that we had the BEST wedding party ever - as they all chipped in with eager and positive spirits to help make our reception site into a fairytale setting. They moved tables, put out tablecloths and centerpieces, and hung dozens of paper lanterns. All the while my head was spinning as I tried to take it all in. At the end of the night, I dropped my future husband off - and headed home for my last single sleepover with my best pal. We whispered into the darkness like we've done for the past 13 years - in anticipation of the next day.

My wedding day was calm. Peaceful. More perfect than I could have imagined. It began with Bojangles with my bridesmaids and mom, then we headed to get our nails done. I tried to make sure to sit with everyone. Talk with everyone. Have wedding day moments with everyone. After nails, we headed home to get our hair and makeup done. Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, A Walk to Remember soundtrack, and Lady Antebellum filled the background as we talked and laughed amidst a shower of hairspray.

My one moment of stress came when we were a few minutes behind heading to the chapel for the pictures. And the guys were a few minutes early. We had to hurry with pictures and get them to stall so that they wouldn't see me. It worked, but that would have to be my one almost-bridezilla moment.

Then back to the brideroom where I hugged and took pictures with a steady flow of grandparents, cousins, aunts, bridemaids...It was a blessing to keep me busy, because the moment I wasn't is when it all hit me. Thankfully Jessi decided we should play a game to keep me from crying. Which worked for a little while. Then my bridesmaids and mothers surrounded me in prayer - such a blessing to have amazing Christian woman as best friends. Next, I remember being in a circle with three of my best friends - as they spouted off funny words to keep me from crying at the alter. And then it was time for them to go...

Leaving me in the bridal room all by myself.

And that is when the tears came. Not a flood. Just a whisper of tears. And I wiped them away and joined my Daddy, as we prepared to walk down the aisle. Walking down to the man I had prayed for my whole life, walking away with my husband.

For months, I had feared that Derrick wouldn't look happy. But the moment the doors open and we saw one another, that fear evaporated. There he was. Looking handsome and happy. Waiting for me at the end of the aisle. No more tears threatened my eyes after that. I couldn't help but smile.

When I got to the end of the aisle, I remember asking him how he was and whispering a conversation. We hadn't seen each other all day. I remember looking into his eyes and speaking without words. Taking in the moment together. I remember playing with this hands, as I held them in mine. I remember the kiss being perfect.

The reception was perfect too. Of course, there are little things I wish I had done...but, overall, it was better than I could have imagined. All of my favorite people were there. Everyone danced. I got to dance with all of my favorite men (my husband, my Daddy, my brother, and Derrick's dad). The music was exciting. Derrick had a blast with his best friends. My Best Pal gave a great speech. Derrick's sister caught the bouquet. Everyone had a great time. And I was finally married!

It was a perfect day. A perfect night. Many perfect moments. It was blissfully energizing. Exciting. Peaceful. I didn't want the night to end. But I was happy to be going home with my husband. My best friend. (Random fact: We stopped at McDonalds on the way home. I was so thirsty! If only I had a picture of me in my wedding dress at McDonalds). Perfect.

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So there are the highlights for the best day ever. Here are a few details that you're all wondering and that will be further covered in future blogs:  

- The honeymoon was amazing. Lots of sleeping (actual sleeping), eating, shows on the boat, and being married! The weird thing was how normal it felt to be together. To sleep together. To get ready together. It just fit.

- Our house is great! It's so fun to have a home and a partner. To cook dinner and go to bed together (we get tired at, like, 9 p.m. now - no joke). To have a cozy living room and a beautiful kitchen. To watch television together and just be together. Married life is such a blessing!

- Preview of future blogs: CU 125, Honeymoon!, Married Life, My Amazingly Strong Cousin Jacob...

Stay tuned!

Fairytales

Tonight I was talking with one of my dearest friends, and she was sharing a love story of one of her close friends with me. A story that involved God prompting the girl to send a message to a guy she didn't really know that well, to simply pray for him and tell him she was doing so. A few months later, God willed her to travel to Bosnia - where this guy was serving as a missionary. Now, months later, they're planning a December wedding before they travel to South America to serve the Lord.

It's funny when you're little you are taught to believe in fairy tales...and then somewhere along the way the bitter world starts telling you that fairy tales don't exist. There aren't perfect guys with perfect words and a perfect white horse. And it's true. But there is a perfect God - and His love stories are so much better than Disney's (believe or not).

I've come to an amazing place in life - when I can look around and see that fairy tales, the fairy tales we learn about when we're 5, may not exist...but the fairy tales God writes are so much better:

I remember walking by a church downtown and having Whitney tell me about Aaron - this guy who worked there, who had graduated from our high school five years before us and gone to her church growing up. She joked about calling him to ask directions...and, when her mom or I would ask if she was interested in him, she would tell me that she could never like him because "he was weird". Soon they were in the same small group at her church. Before I knew it they were going out to celebrate her birthday, holding hands, falling in love, and getting married. He makes her happier than anyone ever has.

In 10th grade, Bethany switched out of a class to take Home Ec with me. There was a senior girl in there who Bethany quickly became friends with. This senior girl was friends with Jeremy, and one day Jeremy slipped Bethany a note - telling her that he thought a lot of her. Time passed and Bethany actually ended up going to Jr/Sr (prom) with one of Jeremy's friends. Nearly four years later, I walk into Chick-Fil-A and see Bethany eating lunch with Jeremy. They hadn't seen each other in years, but he had asked her to get together through facebook/AIM. And they slowly began to talk again and began dating. They're married now, and Jeremy doesn't even remember ever giving Bethany that note.

Jessica - who came to WCA in 10th grade - is now dating John, who left WCA in 7th grade. I knew them both through school...but I doubt they would have liked each other if they had known each other then. They knew a lot of the same people, but God ordained them to meet through church years later, and they are so great for each other. They both have a great passion for life and for the Lord.

Marcus and Victoria are two of my awesome student ambassadors at Campbell. She's from Philadelphia. He's from Brooklyn. It's a miracle they even knew about Campbell. They both chose to come to "The Creek" and both chose to major in Pre-Med. One day, during Orientation or sometime near the beginning of the school year, they were both at the pool...and Marcus decided talk to Victoria. Now, they're inseparable. They're best friends and partners. Planning to go to Campbell's future med school. And planning to get married.

Derrick and I grew up 10 minutes apart. Went to schools 10 minutes apart. Had family members who knew each other, went to school together...When we sat in a circle with a group of strangers our first time at Campbell and were asked to tell what we wanted to be when we graduated, I said that I wanted to be a wife. Little did I know that my husband was the stranger right beside me. Since day 1 at Campbell, I always felt like we would be a good fit. I always felt attracted to Derrick and interested in him. We had many classes together, many inside jokes together, but I was dating someone else. Slowly, we became great friends...and God's plan fell into place. I like our love story.

(Interested in a Bible love story? Read about the love story that began all love stories in Genesis 2 and check out the story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24)

There are so many other amazing love stories that I know about. Great details that only God could have ordained and couples that only God could have brought together. So, Daughter of the King, when it comes to fairy tales...

Believe. 

To make him smile...

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,

a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, 

or the smallest act of caring,

all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  

~Leo Buscaglia

I have a challenge for everyone reading this. Especially if you are in a serious relationship. But, even if you're not, you can still keep this challenge in mind when dealing with parents, friends, siblings, relatives, coworkers, etc.

I think that relationships sometimes stumble, because we don't take time to think about the simple things. And sometimes the simple things are the ones that make all the difference in the world. So I challenge you to think of those things.

Today. Tomorrow. The next day. Do one thing for your significant other that will make them smile. And expect nothing in return. It's pretty simple...

Write a sweet email telling him five things you appreciate about him.

Watch her favorite show with her.

Scratch his back.

Tell her she looks beautiful.

Call to say good morning.

Cook his favorite meal.

Play her favorite song. Tell her that every time you hear it you think of her.

Leave a sticky note on the mirror saying "I love you".

Celebrate his coming home from work - and let him know that it's your favorite part of the day.

Bring up a memory of when you first fell in love.

Surprise her with her favorite ice cream or a copy of her favorite book.

Compliment him in front of others.

Hug her. A real, safe, forever kind of hug.

Dance in the kitchen. 


...get creative with your special person in mind. And don't just do it today or tomorrow...try to think of little ways to make him/her smile every day.

There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause

than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment.  

~Robert Brault

Don't. Date.

I haven't written in a while. Life has been extremely busy with work, my wedding, doing video for other people's weddings, house hunting, etc. I wanted to wait until I had something meaningful to say and time to say it.

I have always had a passion for the topic of love, relationships, marriage. And I have a soft spot for women in these areas. I want to be there for those in need of advice or simply a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. I want to know what makes a relationship the best it can be and help others achieve that.

So today I want to offer some advice to all unmarried women (and hopefully some is still applicable to wives). Middle school girls who are beginning to feel the pressure or high school girls who are caught up in it all. College girls who can't find their way and don't know where they went wrong.

1. Don't date - I don't really mean it like it sounds. But I kinda do. I didn't date until I was 18 years old. I never dated in high school - and I am glad. During that time, I built amazing relationships with a group of beautiful, godly women, and I was able to focus on them without the drama and distraction of a relationship. I could enjoy that time in my life without the temptation and time that goes into dating. Those girls are still my dearest friends. They were my high school loves, and together we made a million memories.

I want girls to know that they don't always have to have a boyfriend. You don't need a boyfriend in 7th grade. You don't even need a boyfriend in 11th grade. And going with your friends to the prom is really not the end of the world. The right guy will come at the right moment - but don't rush to find him.

2. Don't stay - Don't stay in a relationship that you know isn't going anywhere. And don't stay in a relationship just so that you can have someone. That is dangerous territory - especially when you could be moving on and enjoying your life. Don't hurt people by moving in and out of relationships - but don't allow yourself to get hurt by staying in a toxic one either. So many girls know that there's something wrong, but they try to convince themselves that it will be alright if they just stay. If you're married, I say stay and fight with everything you have. If you're dating, you shouldn't have to fight so hard.

3. Don't settle - Don't settle for someone you think is not good enough. If you do that, you will always treat him not good enough. Don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you like a beautiful woman, who doesn't respect you, and who doesn't appreciate you. Good guys are still out there. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you laugh. Don't settle for someone who isn't your best friend. Don't settle for someone who doesn't agree with your values. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have a heart for God (more on that later).

4. Pray for your future husband - To me, this is the most important. I have prayed for my future husband since I was 10 or 12. Fervently. I prayed for him at that moment. Prayed he would make wise decisions. Prayed God would be with him in whatever he was struggling with. I prayed for our romance, our relationship, our engagement, our wedding, our marriage, our children...Did he feel it? Did those prayers help in make a decision or avoid temptation? I'm not sure - but those prayers helped me. They brought God into our relationships in every way. And they made me grow to love Derrick...before I even knew Derrick.

5. Think of your future husband - When you date or make romantic decisions, I would encourage you to think of your future husband. To some of you, this may seem weird. To some, it's a new concept. But think of the love that you will one day have for this person. The life that you will share. Don't do anything that could hurt him. If you can imagine telling him about it one day, and it hurts you to think about - then don't do it. (Also, would it be something that you would be okay telling your children one day? Or would it be a "don't do like Mommy did" story?). Think of how you would feel if he had done the same thing and shared it with you. What if he....How would you feel?

6. Prepare for your future husband - Not only did I pray for my future husband, I prayed for myself. As a future girlfriend. As a future wife. That I would be a cheerleader, supporter, helpmeet, and that I would uplift and respect him. I prayed that I would be who he needed and who God wanted me to be.

I was blessed with a mom who made me do chores and included me in the household duties. I may have complained then, but I'm thankful now. We easily work together in the kitchen and to this day we will talk as we fold towels. Plus, I naturally love cooking and cleaning. And I have been preparing in that way for years. I remember doing laundry and daydreaming about being married. Washing the dishes and imagining his arms around me. Mopping the bathroom tile on my knees and pretending to be Cinderella (with the colorful bubbles floating around me). There's something peaceful about a fixed bed and vacuumed floors. (Yes, I'm very Monica)...I try to save money. Balance my checkbook (I enjoy it). Try to work out every once in a while. And I've been reading 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31, and numerous marriage books as far back as I can remember. It's something God gave me a desire for - I always wanted to be a wife.

I'm not trying to brag about my wonderful domestic skills. I promise. I didn't just wake up one morning ready to be a wife - and I'm still not ready. There is so so much more that I will learn and be surprised by when I actually get married. I know I'm not prepared. And I know that there is much responsibility that comes with marriage. But I have spent years trying my best to prepare to be the best wife that I can be. And I would encourage you to do the same.

7. Put God first -  This is so important. And something that I even, at times, struggle with. I put myself first. I put Derrick first. But I need to put God first. And if you don't have a relationship with Him, I beg you to get to know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Friend. Along these same lines, find a man who is a spiritual leader. Who will support and encourage you, challenge you, spiritually. Someone who will serve alongside you. A relationship can be good without God being center, but it's not great until you invite Him in.

Hope I've encouraged you in some way today.

Leave a note to let me know what you like reading about! Feel free to ask me questions :)

Nothing Like This

It's one of those pensive, dreamy, blissful, bittersweet mornings. A lot of thoughts going on in my mind. The primary thought: I have the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world and he constantly breaks my heart with wonderfulness. I miss him when he's sitting right next to me sometimes - and it's not because we're distant. It's because I miss the future with him (that will make sense to some of you). And the soundtrack for this morning? Rascal Flatts new cd (Nothing Like This).

So, on my way into work I was listening to the cd - which may be my favorite Rascal cd ever, and definitely beats their last two attempts. I love the way music sets the tone and effects your mood. I was listening to #5 (Nothing Like This) which is a better version of God Bless the Broken Road. It talks about how he thought he'd been in love before. He'd been kissed before. He thought he had it figured out before...but now he's found the real thing - and everything before was nothing like this. So, that had put me in a romantic, wistful mood. Then the very next song is a upbeat tune that starts out with a lot of happy and the words "baby, let's pretend, we're just kids. 17 again..."

Sometimes I find myself wishing that Derrick and I had known each other forever... I wish that he had known how dreamy and crazy Whitney and I were in 8th grade. I wish he truly understood the circumstances surrounding Table Survivor. I wish he had been to our homecomings, had known my teachers, had grown up with my friends. I wish he had known that innocent, naive, dreamy, crazy, silly, often immature, boring, fun girl ...who, I noticed the other day, could have used a little more makeup and fashion sense ;)(Fortunately, I think that i'm still that girl in a lot of ways). I want to share everything with him. I want to go back and be 17 with him.

I wish he had known my Papa and had gone to all of the fish fries and BBQs. I wish he had sat there listening to the community gossip while my mom and I washed the dishes. He and I would share a smile and knowing look - sharing a million thoughts with no words. He and my Papa are a lot alike - and I wish they had known each other. I wish he had met all of my relatives at all of the gatherings that I grew up going to. I wish he had been there.

And I wish I had been there for him too. I wish I had held his hand through all of his struggles and laughed with him in all of those crazy-growing-up moments. I wish I had known all of his happy-people growing up and I wish that I had sat in class, dreaming about wearing Derrick Green's letterman jacket.

But the truth is...I don't really wish those things. God used all of those experiences, exactly how they were, to make us who we are today. To make us the right people for each other. To bring us to the point where we would finally be ready to become Derrick and Renee. God knew what He was doing - and His plan plays out more beautifully than I could have ever imagined. I love our love story! I love the way everything unfolded. The way God brought us together.

Plus, Derrick and I may not have liked each other in high school. I mean, Hilltop was incredibly small and apparently everyone dated everyone - so I may have had a chance, but not likely (and I wouldn't have taken it, even if I did). Derrick was the flirty, cute, popular, class clown, always-got-in-trouble-but-they-all-loved-him guy. Homecoming king or something like that...

I was the sweet friend to everyone. Somewhere in between popular and not. I had the best group of friends and NEVER dated in high school. I am proud of the fact that I never had a date to Jr/Sr. I was yearbook editor. And I never got in trouble in class. Ever. So, really, Derrick would have thought I was a loser in high school. Cute, but weird. And I would have had a huge crush on him, probably watching bitterly from the sidelines as he dated all the other girls.

Did I tell you that God knows what He's doing? And we're blessed that He cares that much about us!

If you're out there wondering why you haven't met the right one yet...maybe he's not the right one yet. And maybe you're not the right one yet either. Maybe God is still making you who you need to be, growing you and teaching you - so that you have a beautiful love story one day. And if, you too, find yourself wishing you had known each other all along - bask in the fact that you get to share all of those memories with each other now and that the rest of your memories will be together.

Aren't you glad that God takes the time to write your love story. He pens every word, if you let Him - and He has to set the scene and make the heroine who she needs to be before the climatic moment when she gets the hero.

...and, in fairy tales and romantic fiction, the moment she gets the guy normally marks the end of the book. Aren't we blessed that God gives us a sequel? Full of more experiences and memories.
And you'll get to continue to grow and live...together!

The moments before the air erupted in celebration...

Ohio: Day 2

It's always exciting to wake up in a new city - the air of possibilities and curiousity of the unknown embracing you. I woke up around 8:15, happy for a little extra sleep. Pink tights. Blue jean skirt. Pink tee. Brown Sweater. Ready for seizing the day :) Then I headed to Derrick's room to make sure he was up and ready. Good morning, Honey!

The church was our first stop - and we found that with ease...thanks to Thelma (GPS). I wanted to go help decorate, spend more time with the wedding party, and introduce Derrick to everyone so he would feel more at ease during the various events. I also finally got to see Mrs. Juli - who was like a second mom to me during the summers around freshmen year. The decorating didn't take long - rearranging flowers and deciding whether or not to use reeds. Opening bubbles and arranging them. The decision process took the longest.

Then it was time for Derrick and I to be on our own in the big city. Time for new adventures. Endless Opportunities.

First we pulled over in a mall parking lot, finding many restaurants and possibilities of things to do. But none of them satisfied us. I had promised Derrick Long John Silvers, something that he had fond memories of as a child - so we punch it in the GPS and on we go. We were the only customers in the Long John Silver, which always makes me a little nervous. Plus, fast food fish for lunch - the concept seems a little odd. But it was better than I had expected. And not as good as Derrick remembered. Cross that off the list.

Time for the zoo. We had planned to spend the afternoon exploring the Cincinnati Zoo, and I was excited. We had never been to a zoo together. After driving around the block several times, Thelma getting mad at me, we finally pull in. (I will preface this next part by saying that Derrick and I are very tight with our budget. Very. We don't go to movies. We eat fast food, hardly ever going out to eat. I don't buy things for myself...). The lady says it's going to be $7 for parking. $7! I ask how much admission is...$14 a person. Quick calculation lets me know that it's going to be a $35 trip. Nope. Sorry. No zoo.

Back to the hotel - where I fell asleep and Derrick watched Top Gear and played on the computer. Relaxation and sleep = boring success!

The rehearsal dinner that night went very well. Tortellini and prime rib! Cheesecake and good company! Swords and wands! Tears and sweet words...it was a good time of fellowship, as was the rehearsal. Everything went well, and I enjoyed spending more time with the girls.

New Years Eve! Derrick and I pulled into White Castle on our way back to the hotel and ordered a random assortment of new things. Then we had high hopes of sparkling grape juice, a movie, sliders, a midnight kiss.

Sparkling grape juice in plastic cups accompanied our White Castle burgers...and no movie was chosen. Around 10:30 I realized that the chances of us making it to midnight weren't looking too good - so I suggested we pray for 2011. Derrick opened it up, praying for the wedding, the future, the year ahead, and thanking God for His blessings. I talked to God, asking for blessings on our relationship, our jobs, our friends, and our families in 2011. Asking to be used in a big way in the coming year, to make a difference in the world. I love standing on the edge of a New Year - and knowing that God is already there!

 Then...at 11:30 I gave Derrick a premature goodnight kiss and strolled down the hall to my room, falling asleep in the moments before the air erupted in celebration, fireworks, and kisses. 2011 had a silent beginning to me. Relaxation and sleep = boring success!

Happy New Year! Isn't it beautiful? The air of possibilities and curiousity of the unknown...