Yes Dear.

"The key to a happy marriage? When a husband learns these two little words: yes, dear."

"I have three children, including my husband."

"Oh he knows he's in the dog house...he'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"You know who really wears the pants in the relationship..."

These are all things that people say or insinuate all the time that make me cringe and make my heart sink. Do we, as women, want to be seen as naggers? Bossy? Witchy? Should we treat our husbands as children? And have you ever realized that the bed is just as much his as it is yours...why don't you go sleep on the couch?

Obviously, this is a topic that bothers me. I don't appreciate when people joke about me being the boss in my and Derrick's relationship; and I hope that I don't portray myself in a bossy manner. I don't even like when people say that the wedding is MY day. It takes two to make a marriage work - and a wedding is the celebration of that. I have to hold my tongue so that I don't give them a piece of my mind.

This is something that is portrayed very heavily on television. There probably is no better example (at least that I can think of) than Everybody Loves Raymond. And I'm sure you probably all know what I'm talking about. I feel like most shows are set up with the woman as the "boss" of the house, and the husband escaping to work or bars or the garage with friends to get away from his nagging wife. It's really sad and so far away from what God wants from us and for us. 

I think that women, in trying to be equal, started believing it was okay for us to be demeaning towards our husbands/boyfriend. If a man says something rude or belittling to his wife/girlfriend around others, people are quick to stick up for her or to look down on him for being rude. If a woman says something belittling about her husband/boyfriend, he's supposed to take it and be okay with that.

Maybe if we treat our men like a men - then they'll act like men. The truth is sometimes men spend all their time at work or end up having an affair, because they don't feel valued at home. I am NOT saying that it's an excuse and I am definitely NOT condoning cheating in any way. I am saying that we all need to feel valued, supported, loved, and respected - and home is supposed to be the haven for that.

Believing in him and encouraging him is more important than we can ever know. I do believe that women can and do have great influence. I just think that we have started abusing that power - taking advantage of men and not respecting who they are as men. Women have great responsibility in a relationship. God has given us certain talents and gifts and attributes and nurturing ways that complement the way that He created men.

After venting, I will admit that I do some times get an "I know what's best, you should do it my way" attitude, and this carries over to my relationship with Derrick. All too often I would rather him do things my way, and I can sometimes slip into treating him like a child. It's something I'm aware of and working on. So I'm not trying to preach at you (although maybe a little bit I am).

Just think for a minute before yelling at him or making fun of him or nagging at him...how would you feel if you were treated that way? Value him. Respect him. Compliment him. Love him. And become the kind of wife his friends would want, not the kind of wife he tries to get away from.

To make him smile...

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,

a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, 

or the smallest act of caring,

all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  

~Leo Buscaglia

I have a challenge for everyone reading this. Especially if you are in a serious relationship. But, even if you're not, you can still keep this challenge in mind when dealing with parents, friends, siblings, relatives, coworkers, etc.

I think that relationships sometimes stumble, because we don't take time to think about the simple things. And sometimes the simple things are the ones that make all the difference in the world. So I challenge you to think of those things.

Today. Tomorrow. The next day. Do one thing for your significant other that will make them smile. And expect nothing in return. It's pretty simple...

Write a sweet email telling him five things you appreciate about him.

Watch her favorite show with her.

Scratch his back.

Tell her she looks beautiful.

Call to say good morning.

Cook his favorite meal.

Play her favorite song. Tell her that every time you hear it you think of her.

Leave a sticky note on the mirror saying "I love you".

Celebrate his coming home from work - and let him know that it's your favorite part of the day.

Bring up a memory of when you first fell in love.

Surprise her with her favorite ice cream or a copy of her favorite book.

Compliment him in front of others.

Hug her. A real, safe, forever kind of hug.

Dance in the kitchen. 


...get creative with your special person in mind. And don't just do it today or tomorrow...try to think of little ways to make him/her smile every day.

There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause

than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment.  

~Robert Brault

Don't. Date.

I haven't written in a while. Life has been extremely busy with work, my wedding, doing video for other people's weddings, house hunting, etc. I wanted to wait until I had something meaningful to say and time to say it.

I have always had a passion for the topic of love, relationships, marriage. And I have a soft spot for women in these areas. I want to be there for those in need of advice or simply a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. I want to know what makes a relationship the best it can be and help others achieve that.

So today I want to offer some advice to all unmarried women (and hopefully some is still applicable to wives). Middle school girls who are beginning to feel the pressure or high school girls who are caught up in it all. College girls who can't find their way and don't know where they went wrong.

1. Don't date - I don't really mean it like it sounds. But I kinda do. I didn't date until I was 18 years old. I never dated in high school - and I am glad. During that time, I built amazing relationships with a group of beautiful, godly women, and I was able to focus on them without the drama and distraction of a relationship. I could enjoy that time in my life without the temptation and time that goes into dating. Those girls are still my dearest friends. They were my high school loves, and together we made a million memories.

I want girls to know that they don't always have to have a boyfriend. You don't need a boyfriend in 7th grade. You don't even need a boyfriend in 11th grade. And going with your friends to the prom is really not the end of the world. The right guy will come at the right moment - but don't rush to find him.

2. Don't stay - Don't stay in a relationship that you know isn't going anywhere. And don't stay in a relationship just so that you can have someone. That is dangerous territory - especially when you could be moving on and enjoying your life. Don't hurt people by moving in and out of relationships - but don't allow yourself to get hurt by staying in a toxic one either. So many girls know that there's something wrong, but they try to convince themselves that it will be alright if they just stay. If you're married, I say stay and fight with everything you have. If you're dating, you shouldn't have to fight so hard.

3. Don't settle - Don't settle for someone you think is not good enough. If you do that, you will always treat him not good enough. Don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you like a beautiful woman, who doesn't respect you, and who doesn't appreciate you. Good guys are still out there. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you laugh. Don't settle for someone who isn't your best friend. Don't settle for someone who doesn't agree with your values. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have a heart for God (more on that later).

4. Pray for your future husband - To me, this is the most important. I have prayed for my future husband since I was 10 or 12. Fervently. I prayed for him at that moment. Prayed he would make wise decisions. Prayed God would be with him in whatever he was struggling with. I prayed for our romance, our relationship, our engagement, our wedding, our marriage, our children...Did he feel it? Did those prayers help in make a decision or avoid temptation? I'm not sure - but those prayers helped me. They brought God into our relationships in every way. And they made me grow to love Derrick...before I even knew Derrick.

5. Think of your future husband - When you date or make romantic decisions, I would encourage you to think of your future husband. To some of you, this may seem weird. To some, it's a new concept. But think of the love that you will one day have for this person. The life that you will share. Don't do anything that could hurt him. If you can imagine telling him about it one day, and it hurts you to think about - then don't do it. (Also, would it be something that you would be okay telling your children one day? Or would it be a "don't do like Mommy did" story?). Think of how you would feel if he had done the same thing and shared it with you. What if he....How would you feel?

6. Prepare for your future husband - Not only did I pray for my future husband, I prayed for myself. As a future girlfriend. As a future wife. That I would be a cheerleader, supporter, helpmeet, and that I would uplift and respect him. I prayed that I would be who he needed and who God wanted me to be.

I was blessed with a mom who made me do chores and included me in the household duties. I may have complained then, but I'm thankful now. We easily work together in the kitchen and to this day we will talk as we fold towels. Plus, I naturally love cooking and cleaning. And I have been preparing in that way for years. I remember doing laundry and daydreaming about being married. Washing the dishes and imagining his arms around me. Mopping the bathroom tile on my knees and pretending to be Cinderella (with the colorful bubbles floating around me). There's something peaceful about a fixed bed and vacuumed floors. (Yes, I'm very Monica)...I try to save money. Balance my checkbook (I enjoy it). Try to work out every once in a while. And I've been reading 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31, and numerous marriage books as far back as I can remember. It's something God gave me a desire for - I always wanted to be a wife.

I'm not trying to brag about my wonderful domestic skills. I promise. I didn't just wake up one morning ready to be a wife - and I'm still not ready. There is so so much more that I will learn and be surprised by when I actually get married. I know I'm not prepared. And I know that there is much responsibility that comes with marriage. But I have spent years trying my best to prepare to be the best wife that I can be. And I would encourage you to do the same.

7. Put God first -  This is so important. And something that I even, at times, struggle with. I put myself first. I put Derrick first. But I need to put God first. And if you don't have a relationship with Him, I beg you to get to know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Friend. Along these same lines, find a man who is a spiritual leader. Who will support and encourage you, challenge you, spiritually. Someone who will serve alongside you. A relationship can be good without God being center, but it's not great until you invite Him in.

Hope I've encouraged you in some way today.

Leave a note to let me know what you like reading about! Feel free to ask me questions :)