Date Day and Coming Home...

Marriage Monday on a Tuesday. And it almost didn't happen - but my amazing husband thought I should share our Marriage Monday with you.

In January, Derrick and I decided to have a date day every month. By September, and wedding time, that had fallen to the side. After we got married, I was crazy busy at work. And once work slowed down for me, Derrick began his job - which takes all of his weekends. This doesn't mean we don't get to spend time together. We love just relaxing at the house, being silly and watching television and cooking and talking. But we hadn't been out on a date since we were married.

Derrick had yesterday off of work. And I had an extra vacation day to take. So I decided to choose yesterday, so that we could actually spend some time together during our first Christmas. Derrick will have to work until Christmas Eve evening, and then we'll be busy with family festivities, so I wanted just us to have a little time to celebrate and memory-make.

What a blessing it was! We slept in and then spent the morning in our pajamas - just being silly and talking and laughing.

Derrick and I are gift card fans. To the utmost degree. I laid out the remainder of our wedding and Christmas and birthday gift cards, and we planned our day. Bojangles for lunch with our $10 gift card - and we actually went in to eat! And then we headed shoe shopping (for Derrick) and to the mall for a little window shopping. It's fun just being together, discovering the world together.

After our window shopping, we went to see the Chipmunks (I love them, and would adopt them if I could...Theodore at least). We bypassed popcorn and coke at the movie - we always do - so that we could save the $15 on our gift card and go see another movie in a few months. I knew that my husband was making a sacrifice for me when, instead of the normal hollywood trivia, Play Disney controlled the previews. It was a cute movie, though...maybe not quite as good as the 2nd one.

Then we went to Noodles and Company for supper (yummm...). After that, we went used car browsing. This is always an experience, because my husband understands cars. I only know if I like the color. It was fun nonetheless. And I enjoy our car browsing time. 

Then it was to the Johnson household for Survivor finale night. Anyone who knows me - knows that Survivor night is a big deal. So finale night is the best of all nights. Full of on-the-edge-of-your-seat breath-holding, cheering and booing. Even if the final three were quite the motley crew of liers, decievers, and losers - it was still a great time.

It was a wonderful day. Simple. Inexpensive. Blessed. If you haven't been on a date with your spouse recently - make time to do so...even if it's nothing too extravagant.

*On a separate note, earlier I was talking to Derrick on his way into work - and he was asking me what we talked about this morning. I wake up and get ready before him, and he's always half asleep when I say goodbye. I told him that I gave him a goodbye kiss, and he gave me a compliment (I'm the best wife, I'm beautiful, etc.) - because he always compliments me before I leave. He smiled through the phone and said, "Well, of course, I want to make sure you come back to me each night." I thought that was brilliantly sweet. Husbands and wives, take time to appreciate your spouses - it will keep them coming home :)

Best day!

Do you have a best day? Or at least a handful of best days? Days that are forever captured in your memories. Days that wrap around you like a warm blanket or give you peace like a crackling fire place. Maybe you have that one day that changed everything. The day that upon waking up you had no idea this day would hold forever.

It's not normally the days we would think. Birthdays, Christmases, vacations, and even your wedding day all come with expected excitement. Preparations are made for the day to be memorable. But the best days are those that sneak up on you. Whisper to you. Take you by surprise. The secret days - that are special only to you. That no one else experienced quite like you did. The days that you tell your grandkids about...

December 8 is that day for me.

 It started out like any other day, I’m sure. Of course, there had been some preparation for the day and plans for how it should be spent. I don’t remember if I felt any different that morning as I woke up and got dressed… I know that I tried to look good on purpose - I wore my favorite jeans, a green turtleneck, and boots - excited by what the day would bring. There must have been some subconscious knowing; I mean, don’t you think you’d feel it if the entire course of your world was about to change? 

For me, the Org Comm exam that morning was easy. The peaceful, crazy anticipation for the afternoon didn't get in my way. I spent the afternoon upstairs in the Communication Studies office with the only boy that I wanted to spend my afternoon with. We played Friends Scene It (I won), listened to music (which is always intoxicating...I still remember the sound of it all), and watched Monk (not my favorite, but I would’ve watched anything). 

There was a Christmas party that night for work-study students. I had helped plan the party. Derrick wasn't even a work-study student, but he was invited. We had an hour to spend before we could head to Tara’s for the party and plans had been made for Derrick to give me a tour of the convocation center on campus. We walked there and walked to the natatorium, talking about Jack Frost... we walked to the pharmacy building and to law building, taking a brief break from the walking to get a quick football lesson…we saw one of our classmates in a tree and walked across the street, the party quickly approaching and the line between friendship and something more slowly evaporating. I remember how it felt to be inches away from him. I felt warm, despite the chill in the air. So alive.

The party was typical at first; food, conversation, and a game of Balderdash. There were only a few of us there, which made it more enjoyable and intimate. We played catchphrase, and I remember sitting close to Derrick, aware that I was doing so. Quiet conversations were whispered between us as the night went on. We were friends - that was natural. Then it came to the part of every memorable evening – the part where everyone’s quiet, cozy. The part of the evening when your dreams start creeping into reality and you become more romantic and dreamy, more wistful and pensive. It’s the time of night when all of your emotions and dreams, all of your fantasies and romances are heightened. 

The girls were discussing what was romantic and, after some disagreement, we asked Derrick his opinion. Of course, not wanting to give an answer, he said that it depended on the girl. This only worked to inspire us, and we spend at least half an hour creating a fictional girl and a fictional guy – wanting Derrick to write their love story. That was the creation of Mark and Natalie; a fictional couple that would awaken a real life love. I remember being curled up in a chair, romantically sleepy, listening to every word that he said; Derrick was sitting up against the chair, and it felt right. Everything about the moment was perfect. As the story of Mark and Natalie began, I didn't want the night to end.

Derrick and I left at the same time, and I gave him his Christmas present when we were at the car. It was a copy of "The Notebook" that I had picked up for $3 and his favorite chocolates. A loaded gift, sure, but he had never seen the Notebook before - and I thought that was a tragedy. He said he'd have to find the right girl to watch it with. After a little friendly banter brimmed with flirty undertones, he asked me if I just wanted to get married (not to him; do not get confused)… and it was that question, what he was implying, and all of the doubts that came along with it that made me honestly reconsider things. I hesitated to answer, and then answered what I thought the answer should be. I was happy in my separate life, and no one looks forward to change. But I could be happier. And sometimes change is for the better.

I think it's safe to say that neither of us slept much that night. Or that whole next month. The story of Mark and Natalie evolved through email. Trips to Tara's office became an outlet for each of our questions. Hundreds of emails and hours of instant messaging made my hardest Christmas break my best Christmas break. 

Now, as I think back on it - I still feel it. The butterflies in my stomach. The nervous comfort of being near Derrick Green. The sweet romance of being cuddled in that chair, the feeling of Derrick only inches away from me. I can see myself - so young, so curious, so scared, so crazy about him - standing in the streetlights, knowing that my world was about to change forever. And it did. 

I would love to share with you the rest of our story. The fall we fell in love. The January we made it real. The February I became his girlfriend. The March we said "I love you". But today I had to share with you the secret of December 8. I hope each of you have your own December 8.

Songs sometimes explain moments better than I can, and these are two that take me back to that night: 

 Fearless!

Gotta Be Somebody

11.01.11

I have been married for one month. In some ways it seems like longer - like we're already an old married couple. In some ways it feels like we just got married yesterday. I still can't believe I'm married. It feels so normal. It just faded into being - no crashing and clanging - I just woke up, and he was there. It felt right.

I have learned some things after being married a month, and a lot of what I learned while dating has been put into practice as well.

1. Always think before you speak. Sometimes Derrick will leave clothes lying on the floor or will neglect doing something that I think he should have. Sometimes I disagree with something he did or I'm having a bad day and find it easy to have negative thoughts. But it's important that before speaking, before nagging, before becoming negative and hurting him - I play out the situation. I take a step back. Is it worth it? Is it really that big of deal? Or is it something too small to make a big deal over. Too many women make their husbands bitter towards them because they constantly nag and criticize them. And I will not let that happen.

2. Sometimes it's nice just to be in the same house. Derrick and I are both independent in a way. We need our alone time. Time to enjoy ourselves and re-energize. I like watching netflix, reading, writing...he loves playing Battlefield. And sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's nice to just know that your person is in the next room.

3. It's easy to become too comfortable. Our house is very comfortable. Being with Derrick is very comfortable. And sometimes all I want to do is cook and then relax. Do nothing at night. Watch a lot of television. Just be. It's harder to be the creative, organized, productive housewife than I had imagined it would be- it's easier to just hang out and relax. But I'm working on it. Blogging again. Looking forward to getting another book printed. Working on our budget - and paying our first bills. Taking time to read. And hopefully adding some more projects to the mix. It's nice to be Derrick's best friend and watch television together - but it's also important to do more.

4. Aldi is awesome. If you've never grocery shopped at Aldi - do it. Derrick and I went there the day after our honeymoon to fill up our pantry - and we've made it our Sunday afternoon date every since. They have everything you need - and they'll save you a lot of money. Newlyweds - Aldi will fit very nicely into your budget :) Go there.

5. Going to church together is important. Derrick and I have been going to church together since we started dating, and we've been doing the video ministry together for a year. It is so important that we make time for God together. We worship together. We learn together. We serve together. We get up, get out of bed, and go to church together. We're now in a married couples Sunday school class - and I think that's going to be a big blessing in our growth as a couple and with the Lord.

6. There isn't enough time. Priorities are a tough thing to get in order. I want to be able to do it all. And sometimes I just want to do nothing. I work a lot - and I LOVE it. I often (happily) volunteer for or create new events that take place in the evening or on the weekends. This is fun for me - maybe not so fair to Derrick. At the same time, I need time to spend with God. I want to make witnessing and sharing Him more of a priority. And I need time to focus on Derrick. One night a week is with my parents. One night a week with Derrick's mom. I want to make time for friends. I want to read and write. I need to work out. I want to be involved with a bible study. I want to make time for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I need to cook and clean and take care of our home. So many things compete for our time and attention - and it's important to know when to say No and when to make time for something. I'm still struggling with the saying "No."

7. I'm bad at bills and paperwork...and God help me when it's time for taxes. I like to believe I'm good with money - I'm just not good at the paperwork part of being an adult. I'm really dreading tax time. 

8. It's nice to have someone on the other pillow. Marriage is a blessing. It's having your best friend, your partner, your lover. It's laughing and getting frustrated and talking and singing and relaxing. It's a million answered prayers and a million more whispered prayers. Once God brings you to the right one, I highly recommend marriage.

Just Married!

As you can tell, my blog is currently under construction and may be that way for a little while. Thanks for your patience - it will be an awesome newlywed/wifey blog once it's all updated and finished.

I haven't blogged in a while...I was busy getting married, becoming a wife, and loving my husband! I've also been really busy at work - this next month is probably my busiest of the year. But, of all of my faithful readers, I wanted to update you on life. More wedding/wife blogs will be coming.

The week before my wedding my mind was more on work than the dream day quickly approaching. I was hardly as excited as I felt I should be - and that made me sad. And worried. In fact, the Thursday night before my wedding - I was more depressed than excited. But that all changed on Friday. I was off work - and it was the day before my wedding. The day before the moment I had prayed for my whole life. God was already there blessing it.

Friday was wonderful, relaxed, blessed...and then busy. Rain at the rehearsal didn't get us down. Everything went as smoothly as it could have. And Derrick and I quickly realized that we had the BEST wedding party ever - as they all chipped in with eager and positive spirits to help make our reception site into a fairytale setting. They moved tables, put out tablecloths and centerpieces, and hung dozens of paper lanterns. All the while my head was spinning as I tried to take it all in. At the end of the night, I dropped my future husband off - and headed home for my last single sleepover with my best pal. We whispered into the darkness like we've done for the past 13 years - in anticipation of the next day.

My wedding day was calm. Peaceful. More perfect than I could have imagined. It began with Bojangles with my bridesmaids and mom, then we headed to get our nails done. I tried to make sure to sit with everyone. Talk with everyone. Have wedding day moments with everyone. After nails, we headed home to get our hair and makeup done. Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, A Walk to Remember soundtrack, and Lady Antebellum filled the background as we talked and laughed amidst a shower of hairspray.

My one moment of stress came when we were a few minutes behind heading to the chapel for the pictures. And the guys were a few minutes early. We had to hurry with pictures and get them to stall so that they wouldn't see me. It worked, but that would have to be my one almost-bridezilla moment.

Then back to the brideroom where I hugged and took pictures with a steady flow of grandparents, cousins, aunts, bridemaids...It was a blessing to keep me busy, because the moment I wasn't is when it all hit me. Thankfully Jessi decided we should play a game to keep me from crying. Which worked for a little while. Then my bridesmaids and mothers surrounded me in prayer - such a blessing to have amazing Christian woman as best friends. Next, I remember being in a circle with three of my best friends - as they spouted off funny words to keep me from crying at the alter. And then it was time for them to go...

Leaving me in the bridal room all by myself.

And that is when the tears came. Not a flood. Just a whisper of tears. And I wiped them away and joined my Daddy, as we prepared to walk down the aisle. Walking down to the man I had prayed for my whole life, walking away with my husband.

For months, I had feared that Derrick wouldn't look happy. But the moment the doors open and we saw one another, that fear evaporated. There he was. Looking handsome and happy. Waiting for me at the end of the aisle. No more tears threatened my eyes after that. I couldn't help but smile.

When I got to the end of the aisle, I remember asking him how he was and whispering a conversation. We hadn't seen each other all day. I remember looking into his eyes and speaking without words. Taking in the moment together. I remember playing with this hands, as I held them in mine. I remember the kiss being perfect.

The reception was perfect too. Of course, there are little things I wish I had done...but, overall, it was better than I could have imagined. All of my favorite people were there. Everyone danced. I got to dance with all of my favorite men (my husband, my Daddy, my brother, and Derrick's dad). The music was exciting. Derrick had a blast with his best friends. My Best Pal gave a great speech. Derrick's sister caught the bouquet. Everyone had a great time. And I was finally married!

It was a perfect day. A perfect night. Many perfect moments. It was blissfully energizing. Exciting. Peaceful. I didn't want the night to end. But I was happy to be going home with my husband. My best friend. (Random fact: We stopped at McDonalds on the way home. I was so thirsty! If only I had a picture of me in my wedding dress at McDonalds). Perfect.

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So there are the highlights for the best day ever. Here are a few details that you're all wondering and that will be further covered in future blogs:  

- The honeymoon was amazing. Lots of sleeping (actual sleeping), eating, shows on the boat, and being married! The weird thing was how normal it felt to be together. To sleep together. To get ready together. It just fit.

- Our house is great! It's so fun to have a home and a partner. To cook dinner and go to bed together (we get tired at, like, 9 p.m. now - no joke). To have a cozy living room and a beautiful kitchen. To watch television together and just be together. Married life is such a blessing!

- Preview of future blogs: CU 125, Honeymoon!, Married Life, My Amazingly Strong Cousin Jacob...

Stay tuned!

Weddings. Captured.

Recently, Derrick and I were blessed to do a wedding video at our church for Joe and Stacie Ange. I love helping him with weddings and feel blessed that we get to work together in this way. This particular wedding was one of my favorite videos to shoot - because I love capturing everything live. As is. Do or die. The excitement of seeing the final product play out before you.

The whole ceremony was captured and shared with the bride and groom. My dear friend Ashley Shelley reminded me that this is important. You're so caught up in the moment that you later forget half of what went on. Derrick also did a simple highlight video for the Anges - which I love. Check it out above.

My personal favorite wedding video that Derrick has ever done was the one for my best pal and her husband last June. It was a gorgeous fairytale setting. Lights glistening and crickets chirping. And I was blessed to be the maid of honor. I love the feeling of the video. I love that you can see and feel their happiness. And I love the preacher's words in the background.

The video was shot and edited a year ago, so Derrick has grown so much as a videographer since. He has new equipment and new techniques. But it's still one of my favorites and always will be.

  

This reception was done at Rumley Center at Campbell University. We just shot the reception, and the setting wasn't ideal. It was a dark room the week before Christmas...but I am so proud of the way that Derrick pulled it all together. The final product turned out great, capturing the enthusiasm of the couple.

I get excited whenever Derrick finishes a new video. Creating something and seeing the finished product is really cool, and I'm blessed that he lets me be a part of the process.

So do you need a video? Want your love story captured or your special day to replay? How about a video for your business or band? I just happen to be marrying a pretty awesome videographer who can hook you up :)

The Girl in the White Dress

Today I just want to brag on my wonderful fiance. He is so talented and has an eye for good photography and video. I love watching him work and working with him.

On Monday, we decided to do a little mini-photo shoot - with no specific purpose in mind. Here are just a few of the amazing photos he captured:
 

 

Shoulder-to-Shoulder

I had a human relations class in college in which we learned that women communicate face-to-face, men communication shoulder-to-shoulder. I never forgot that. But I don't think I ever really got it either.

Derrick is perfectly fine sitting beside each other and talking. I want him to face me and look at me. I understood that was because of this difference in gender communication styles. But that was the only time that I really thought about this strong difference...until today.

Derrick likes for me to just sit with him. He often calls me in there and just wants me to stop what I'm doing and sit. Maybe the tv is on. Maybe not. We just sit there. Resting. Cuddling. Sitting. My mind runs through a million things we could be talking about. And a million things I should be doing. And most of the time I surrender, get up from the nothingness, and go on about my tasks. Cleaning. Cooking. Things elsewhere and more important than just sitting. He can sit by himself. No need to waste time. 

Sometimes when I'm over at his house he works on videos. He's at his computer, not giving me his attention, so I finally pull out a book and begin to read. I do like being alone together. Doing our own thing. But I often feel guilty - like we should be talking. We should be focused on one another. And, I'll admit, sometimes my mind complains whenever I go with him to do a video, to film a wedding, or whenever he wants to show me all of his latest computer updates. I don't understand. But it makes him excited...

He loves it when I play Mortal Kombat with him. He often asks me to play video games with him. He is perfectly content being on the computer while I watch a television show with my mother. He doesn't mind just sitting in the kitchen while I rush around cooking. He doesn't respond much when I whisper sweet things to him as we do video at church.And he doesn't like small talk.

Today I got it. We aren't wasting time just sitting there. To him, we're growing closer together. To him, it's nice to just have me there - being. For me to get up prematurely and move on to another task is like if he were to bolt in the middle of a conversation. And it truly makes his heart happy when I work with him, when I sit beside him and look at his latest computer updates, when I listen to his ideas. It means a lot to him that I'm just there. Most of the time, he prefers that to chit-chat.

We don't always have to be talking. And I don't always have to be doing. Sometimes just being is good enough.

Now, this is going to be very hard for me. I'm a doer. If I'm still for more than 5 minutes, I feel guilty - and begin to think of what I need to get up and do. And I can't stand when other people don't have that same drive and motivation to constantly be producing. To constantly be doing something. There's always something to do. Something that can be done. I need to be doing.

I need to learn to be. with him.

God created me to be his partner, his helpmeet. God created me for him. And, if being together is what he needs, then I need to be.

What I like about us!

Over the years I have read many books on love, marriage, and family. These are my favorite kinds of books  - and, although many say the same thing, they provide support and encouragement, and I believe they've helped prepare me to be Derrick's wife. Currently, I am reading Love & Respect...but, as I write this, my mind drifts to another book I read a few years back. I don't remember the name, but there is something important that I picked up from the book...

In my relationship, I can't let  little negative things become bigger than the truer positive things.  Too many men and women focus on the negative - and they don't look at the amazing, positive things that their person does to love them. Maybe your husband rubs your shoulders, but you're too busy thinking about how he forgot to call to appreciate him. Your wife cooks your favorite meal, but you're too busy focusing on the messy house to care. Don't let the negative become bigger than the positive and take time to appreciate the wonderful things. (Sidenote: if there is a problem that needs to be dealt with, then talk it out and take measures necessary to work through it.).

Derrick is my favorite and, I have written a list of some of my favorite things about our relationship. These are the things that make it easy to focus on the positive:

1. We're best friends. He is my best friend, and I enjoy doing everything with him. We enjoy talking with each other, going on adventures, and making memories. We are real together and crazy together. Transparent together. We know each other best. We are best friends in an adult-way - we're there for each other and support each other. And we're best friends in a little kid kind of way - we share popsicles and look forward to having pajama parties together.  One of my absolute favorite things? When Derrick looks at me and says, "You're my best friend."

2. We're partners. It is natural for us to be partners in everything. Before I buy almost anything I talk to him about it. Before he makes a purchase or makes a business move, he discusses it with me. We talk about his video business and brainstorm together. We plan our weeks together and talk it out before we make any plans. And it is not because we feel pressured to ask permission or get approval. We have always, since before we began dating, desired to talk to each other about everything. I respect his opinion. He values mine. 

3. We take time to dance. We dance in the kitchen, in the living room, when I walk him out. This is so important - because it means that, for those few seconds, we make the world disappear. We hold one another and focus on each other. He twirls me and dips me and tosses me in the air - and we laugh and flirt. I pull him close in a hug and we talk about our day. But, in that moment, supper and the dirty floor and the computer and the television evaporate. It's just us.

4. We annoy each other. We do. Sometimes, like everyone, we annoy and frustrate each other...but we both have these looks that we give each other. Looks that say, "Really? Do you have to do that?". And sometimes we'll even say "argh, that's annoying. I can't deal with it." Normally, out of stubbornness, the annoy-er will do the annoying thing once or twice more. Then we'll smirk at each other, grunt in frustration, and it'll all be over. I like that.

5. We understand the jargon. We both have degrees in Communication and took practically the exact same classes. We have different tastes and passions - and our minds and creative eyes are definitely not identical. But I understand when he talks about video, and I know enough to discuss it with him. He understands target audiences and marketing to a specific group - which is a passion of mine. We share a passion for photography, although we have different styles. We both enjoy writing - although our words and our stories are hardly similar. I like that we are different in the way we artistically see the world, but that we still understand and share a similar passion.

6. We're silly together. With Derrick, I can act like a 4-year old. I can be completely ridiculous. I can speak in a British accent. I can make up words or songs or dances. We can let our guard down and be stupid together. I don't do that with anyone else. Most of the time, I try to be reserved and graceful and mature. With him, I can be silly. And being silly is such a fun thing to be :) I think it would benefit all couples to be silly together.

7. We step up for each other. We are both fairly positive people, but we have our down moments. When I'm in a bad mood, when I am being negative, or when I feel like crying - Derrick steps it up and is the positive comforter. He reminds me of the blessings we have. He holds my hand when tears fall down my cheeks. And, when he's feeling down about something, it's natural for me to forget whatever might be wrong with me and be a positive encourager and cheerleader. Sometimes I just rub his back and sit with him. Sometimes I encourage him with words. Sometimes we pray together.

8. We compliment each other. We complement each other, but we also compliment each other. He tells me I'm beautiful. He's proud of me. Some days the compliments are specific, sometimes it's just "you're awesome" or "you're beautiful". Words of affirmation are important to me - so loving that way comes natural to me and I constantly try to shower Derrick with affirmation, but I am so thankful that he takes the time to appreciate me as well.

9. We serve together. We do video at church together. We've worked many weddings together. I have been an extra or an assistant on many videos that Derrick has worked on. We do photos together. We're partners, we're best friends - and this translates into serving side-by-side.

10. We love music. This may not be a top 10 for anyone else, but it's important to me. I love music. Listening, discussing, feeling the music. All kinds of music. And Derrick shares that passion with me. The sounds of Celine Dion, Lil John, and Garth Brooks filled the car on our 9-hour roadtrip to Ohio. We watch the country music awards together and discuss the meaning behind Eagles songs. We watch Meatloaf music videos and have been to see Keith Urban, Sugarland, Little Big Town, Skillet, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, James Otto, and OneRepublic. It's a wonderful, crazy collaboration.

 

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

Wedding dreams

I haven't written in a while - so I thought I would pen a few thoughts.

I used to have back-to-school dreams, beginning around August 1st every year. Dreams that I was late for the first day of classes. That I was unprepared. That I missed my first class. And this never actually happened. I liked school. When I was awake I very much looked forward to the first day of school. And maybe I was always so prepared because I didn't want my dreams to come true.

Two nights ago I started having wedding dreams. Two in a row now. In the first one, I woke up and it was October 1 already. I didn't remember anything that happened over the past 6 months...but it was my wedding day. I hadn't packed for my honeymoon. I had no idea if any of the wedding plans were taken care of - because I couldn't remember doing any of it. Panic and confusion set in.
In last night's dream, we had gotten married and we were sitting around the living room with our families. My uncle was there. And they were giving us presents...and I realized that it was about to be my wedding night. And that scared me. In reality, I'm nervous and very excited...not scared. And, in my dream, I was very very sad that I wasn't going to live with my parents anymore. In reality, I am a little sad, but more excited that I get to build a home and a life with my husband, my best friend.

Wedding dreams and wedding nightmares - it seems to be the things that girls are made of. I feel like we have a great deal of planning done. But new things pop up all the time. I need to have a bridal portrait - which means I need flowers, a hairstyle, things for my hair, a photographer...We need to send out save-the-date cards, which means we need to get our engagement pictures taken, edited, organized, we need a finalized guest list and addresses, we need to find a save-the-date company, etc. Rehearsal dinner? What are the guys going to wear? What are the girls going to wear? When are we going to have time to plan all this? Where are we going to live? How about bills? Changing my name? Insurance? And these details keep popping up left and right. Planning a wedding takes a lot of work. I'm far more excited about the marriage.

Admist the planning and the details there are many things that make me excited and make it worth it. In six months, I get to be Derrick's wife. I finally have that man I always prayed about. And, along the way, we get to find a home together. We get to celebrate with family and friends. We get free stuff. We get to decorate that home. I get to spend a weekend at the beach with my very favorite girls. We get to be caught up in the anticipation with those closest to us. Then we get to have a party in celebration. I get to wear a beautiful dress and have a first dance with my husband. We get to go on a road trip. We get to go on an amazing vacation together for a week. We get to finally sleep together - and not have to say good-bye. We get to have a home together. I get to cook supper in my own kitchen. And we get to begin our life as Mr. and Mrs. Green.

...that is how I can have the patience and positivity to pick out flowers and plan wedding details...and, at the end of the day, that is why the flowers and details don't seem so important.

December 8

December 8th, 2008 is undoubtably the day that Derrick and I would say everything changed.

I'm sure it started out almost like any other day - but not void of anticipation. It was the last day of the semester. One exam left, and then the Christmas party at Tara's house to celebrate Christmas break. My exam was that morning, the party that evening, and Derrick and I had - as friends - made plans to spend the afternoon hanging out, playing games, and walking around campus.

I remember what I wore that day. Dark blue dress jeans. High heel boots. And my green turtleneck. I probably thought a little too much about what to wear that day.

After the exam, Derrick and I headed upstairs to the Comm office - where we spent an afternoon playing a Friends boardgame, watching Monk, talking about music, and filling the air with laughter. It was a brisk, jack-frost-nipping-at-your-nose kind of day, and we set out to stroll around an almost-abandoned campus. I still remember that feeling...the air of possibilities. A nervous, excited comfort. He took me into the convocation center - I had never been before. We walked to the natatorium, as I told him that I liked red noses. We saw a classmate in a tree as we crossed the street, and Derrick tried to teach me about football in front of the old law building. It was turning out to be a perfect kind of day - and maybe, at that moment, I felt that things were changing.

Derrick followed me to Tara's house, where we were flirtatiously discussing who was more awesome as we walked up to her doorstep. The night proceeded with boardgames and food...before we all retired upstairs to talk. This was where Mark and Natalie were born.

Tara and I were discussing what was romantic...and Derrick informed us that it was different for every girl. We decided to make up characters and let Derrick write their love story, write their romance. Natalie was our main character. She was a brunette who was a waitress at a country club. Enter Mark. He was the rich, country-club type...but, inevitably, they were to fall in love.

As we poured out the details of the story,  I was curled up in an oversized chair. I remember feeling happy/sleepy and blissful. Derrick leaned up against the chair that I was in - and it seemed as though all was right with the world.

The night finally came to an end, and Derrick and I left at the same time. As we stood in the twilight darkness on a silent street, I think everything changed. I gave Derrick a gift that I had picked up for him- a copy of The Notebook (which he had never seen) and his favorite chocolates. I don't think that I intended it to come across the way it did when I bought the gift, but on the night of December 8th, I was ready to let my gift send whatever messages it might...

Then I drove home. But the night wasn't over - and it won't ever be over. It was the night that led to forever.

Over the course of the next few days, Derrick shared his feelings, his thoughts, his intentions through Mark and Natalie. During those days following the 8th, we never talked about us. Our relationship. But he poured his heart into Mark and Natalie and, in doing so, he stole my heart completely.

I already loved him...

I wrote this a while back and saved it...for such a times as this:

There is a man who I have loved as long as I can remember. It wasn’t in a Prince Charming sort of way, and it was hardly in the way that all girls will say they loved, I loved him. It was a painful love, primarily due to my lack of patience. I missed him; I missed the memories I hadn’t yet experienced. I missed him when I looked over at the empty pillow next to me. I missed him when I cooked supper or washed the dishes. I missed him at Christmas’ and when I felt all alone in the middle of a crowded room. I already loved him.

I don’t think I’m like the majority girls, though I was blessed with friends who at least understood. Most people didn’t. In middle school, I began writing to my future husband, and I now have a worn grey journal filled with short, but meaningful words just for him.

I prayed for him – really prayed for him. And I would lie in bed at night and think about him; I wondered if he slept in pajama pants or boxers? Was he asleep or on the computer? Where did he go to school? Did I ever drive past him or glance at him at the grocery store? What was he thinking about? Did he have a girlfriend? …and mostly, did he ever think of me? Could he ever possibly love me as much as I already loved him? Sometimes I would pray that God would hug him for me or let him feel that I loved him. I already loved him.

I remember one time when this love was obvious, although most people would say ridiculous. It was senior year, and all of my friends were having a Valentine’s Day party (chaperoned by parents; PG). Everyone else was dancing, but I wouldn’t…because I only wanted to dance with someone who only wanted to dance with me. It was the last dance and a few of my friends and I hid away, and we prayed for our future husbands. Crazy, right? I already loved him.

In thinking about him and loving him, I never imagined a fairy tale. I never imagined it would be perfect or that he would be. I realized that love is a verb and marriage is commitment. And I began trying to be the best I could be for him. 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 13, and Proverbs 31 are probably some of my most read bible passages, most studied words. A wife is to submit, respect. A husband is to love. A wife is to cheer her husband on. Never humiliate him; but wait until the two of you are alone if you disagree with something he did. Stand back and let him be strong, but whisper words of advice and encouragement in his ear. Be a conservative lady in public, realizing that you represent him – but love with unbridled passion behind closed doors. I want to be her, because I already him.

Married women who are reading this may be thinking that I don’t know because I’ve never been married. This is true. I’m not going to be a perfect wife. Sometimes I’ll be selfish, weak, stubborn, unloving. Sometimes I’ll get frustrated and say things I shouldn’t.  Sometimes I may even forget to love him. And I hardly know what I’m getting myself into. But I can’t help it, I already love him.

You're allowed to now...we're engaged♥

Despite my past jobs in the wedding industry and my romantic, organized personality, I am not a wedding planner by nature. And I have not spent years and hours planning the details of my wedding (yet). I get bored looking at bridal magazines - and hardly find them helpful. I quickly give up on The Knot. And I do not believe in spending a fortune for one day.

With all of that being said, I still have an idea of what I want. After being in numerous weddings, interning at a wedding venue, and working at a gown boutique - you get an idea. Plus, I'm a sentimental person - and I know what little details will fit Derrick and I. So, over the past two years, I probably have mentioned wedding details more than several times.

Before Sunday, I tried my hardest NOT to talk about weddings. I needed to be patient, and Derrick was not interested. I, sometimes, found a way to slip it in casually. "What do you think of those flowers?" or "If we were to end up together, who would be your groomsmen?" Sometimes he would answer graciously and move on. Sometimes I would get that drop-the-chin, raise-the-eyebrows, stern look, accompanied with "Woman." I would sheepishly give up my endeaver to slowly plan our wedding.

I always said that I would wait a week after being engaged to start planning. We would celebrate for a week...that was the plan. And to this moment I still haven't opened up my wedding notebook (that was semi-organized waiting for this moment in my closet). BUT on Monday night, on our way somewhere, Derrick and I casually, and without meaning to, began the wedding planning process. It's beautiful when you can have fun planning an event with your best friend.

I still haven't shared details with my parents (so don't ask to hear the details yourself), and Derrick and I haven't firmly decided things... I think that we should have this big wedding planning moment. In comfy clothes, with sparkling grape juice - and our attention fully on the reality of the situation - we should sit down and plan. Then discuss the details with my beautiful parents - including them in the planning and the celebration.

Today I told Derrick that I hadn't opened up my wedding notebook yet but I had it with me today...and, in an upbeat tone, he said "Good, you should open it."... Then he asked if tomorrow night would be our grape juice and comfy clothes night, the night to talk and discuss... Every moment I mention the wedding, I still feel a little sheepish. Like he's going to give me that look and change the subject. I shared this with him and he smiled and said, "You're allowed to talk about it now...we're engaged".

I love, more than he understands, how Derrick is embracing this. And I love that I can now share my dreams of the future (not just the wedding, but our home, our marriage...) - knowing that that future is becoming a reality.

Will you marry me?

THE PERFECT WEEKEND

I had look forward to this past weekend for a while (and, really, I've been looking forward to it my whole life). I love all of the moments and memories I get to share with Derrick, with my family. God has blessed me so much with those closest to me.

After work on Friday, Daddy, Mom, Derrick, and I loaded in the car and headed down to our beach house - stopping for Bojangles on the way. Which is a rare, delicious treat.  I think Derrick and I slept part of the way - but we were awake long enough to see the skyline of Wilmington lit up across the river...beautiful.

When we arrived at the beach house a random collection of funny events happened. My dad flipped out because the television wasn't working correctly; even though we were playing cards together, he still needed the television to work. I decided I liked no television - it made me feel Amish...and then I proceeded to teach Derrick some Amish words and phrases...which ended in very tearful laughter and a slew of random dutch-ish phrases...It was a wonderful night.

Saturday morning I was greeted with Derrick sticking his head in my room and saying good morning. Because it was freezing, he came and joined me under the covers...my mom coming to join us and discuss the day ahead. We all had a nice lunch at Chilis and then went to Walmart (something that my dad was very much looking forward to) - where i looked at home decor and Derrick found a cheap way to make a very expensive piece of camera equipment (he is beautifully innovative).

Next, we were on our way to Sunset Beach. I took my shoes off, excited to walk barefoot in the sand. Took some pictures of my wonderful parents - who have been an example of love and marriage to me my whole life. Then Derrick and I took pictures and walked on the beach...the whole time, I was thinking that this would be the perfect time for him to propose. A perfect day. A perfect moment. ...didn't happen.

After that, we went shopping. Derrick found the perfect shoes - shoes we had been looking for for months - at a wonderful price. Despite the annoying salesman pushing us to leave, we got the shoes. Then we ate delicious appetizers at my family's favorite restaurant in Myrtle Beach - and I truly enjoyed time with my family. It's one of my favorite things we do, and I love family traditions. God has blessed Derrick and I both with wonderful families! After supper, we walked around Barefoot Landing and stopped for Krispie Kreme on the way out; and headed home that night.

At one point, Derrick asked me how my day was. I said "It was perfect, it was the perfect day." - Of course, I said it in a frustrated, pouty voice. It was the perfect day, and I was imperfectly impatient.

Saturday night and Sunday were full of card games, Twister, relaxing, television, good food, family time... but I was quickly accepting the fact that this was another lesson in patience. He wouldn't ask during this perfect weekend. He wouldn't ask during February. It would be another new month, praying and wondering, and waiting. (Side note, several times during the day I poked Derrick, not telling him why. They were all pokes to get out my frustration at him not asking during this perfect weekend.)


THE PROPOSAL

Sunday night Derrick decided we should go get a milkshake. We used to get milkshakes ALL the time right after we started dating...but we haven't done that in 2 years, so it was a little different. We headed to Cookout and got our chocolate nut (with extra nuts) milkshake.

1 mile from my house, he turns the radio to a song that was one of our songs when we first started liking each other. It reminded him of me :) So then it reminded me of him :) He parked at the house and said he wanted to finish the song...I thought that was really sweet, so I laid my head on his shoulder. It was quiet, with the song playing in the background. I wanted to breathe in the moment.

Next thing I know, Derrick is telling me that his luggage is falling on his head. oookay. So I hear him rustling around in the back. Next thing I know, he pulls out a big plastic diamond ring.

"Will you take this?" He asked...

"Yes." I said, somewhat inquisitively. At that moment, he pulled out the engagement ring.

"Now, will you take this one?"

"YES!" I answered, and then I gave him a kiss. As I pulled away, I whispered "Isn't there something you should ask now?"

"Lillian, will you marry me?" ...oh, how I've longed to hear those words!!!

In the moment he asked it was like the world was spinning. It was a moment I had looked forward to my whole life and had somewhat expected for a few months - but I didn't really expect it at that moment. Did this man really want to marry me? Was this really happening? I needed to remind myself to remember every detail.

After that we stayed in the car and talked about everything. He admitted that he had wanted to ask at the beach - but he hadn't talked to my parents yet. And then he planned to go on a walk Saturday night on the beach and ask then, but my Dad decided to come home early. God had it planned - Sunday afternoon I was restless, so I went to visit my grandma...giving Derrick (not on propose) the perfect opportunity for him to talk to my parents.

Now, I get to marry my best friend!!! After years of praying for and dreaming about, waiting for and preparing for, wondering about and thinking of my future husband - I finally get to marry him! And I finally know that it was Derrick that I was covering in thoughts and prayers all of those years and all of those moments!

Hmm...Mrs. Green :)

5: Business Ventures

I love mixing hobbies, passions, talents, and dreams. And it's great when that mixture can create a product that you can look back on for years to come. A product you can be proud of. It's also a blessing when that product brings in a little extra money.

Photography - Derrick and I both enjoy photography. I love warm, cute, capture-a-private-moment photos. Derrick is great at the magazine-editorial shots. I enjoy editing, making something good even better. He is meticulous about editing and knows a bit more than me.
It's something we both love - and something we can do together. Last year I was blessed to do three photo shoots: a wedding, a couples' christmas pictures, and individual shots...I hope to grow even more this upcoming year and have the opportunity to do some more photo shoots. Of course, it seems like everyone is getting into photography these days, and I'm definitely not the best out there. It's just something I enjoy.

Music Videos - I have always told Derrick that he would be good at music videos. We both have a passion for music. All kinds of music. And we both love the art of music videos. In fact, when we first started dating, we would spend Monday mornings (before we had class that afternoon) watching music videos. Now, he has the opportunity to work on a few Meet the Band pieces, and we're hoping that he can start doing more in the music industry. If you know a band or artist who would be interested in having anything from a 30-second concert/cd annoucement to a music video to a behind-the-scenes meet the band documentary done - let us know!

Book Series? - I published a book three years ago and haven't done much since then. It was a great experience, but the book had no deeper message that I was passionate about. It was a story. Not a message. Since 6th grade I have written probably a couple dozen short stories and novellas, many of which I had forgotten about until recently. Those stories, those characters, those messages are something that I was passionate about, and I hope that I can be passionate about it again.
There could, very possibly, be another printed book in the near(ish) future. I have been working on the first book in a series. A book about redemption. A book about finding your way back home. A book about regrets and heartache. A book about secrets. A book about God's forgiveness, grace, and mercy. There is still much work to be done - but stay tuned!

Here's a very small morsel for anyone who is interested. I'll be keeping you updated!

"Victoria Ryan had been driving all night. No one knew where she had gone. That had been her plan all along. The dusty Texas road was laid out before her. A path to anywhere she wanted to go. Anyone she wanted to be. Now, in Northern Texas, she was as far away from herself as she could run."

            

Nothing Like This

It's one of those pensive, dreamy, blissful, bittersweet mornings. A lot of thoughts going on in my mind. The primary thought: I have the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world and he constantly breaks my heart with wonderfulness. I miss him when he's sitting right next to me sometimes - and it's not because we're distant. It's because I miss the future with him (that will make sense to some of you). And the soundtrack for this morning? Rascal Flatts new cd (Nothing Like This).

So, on my way into work I was listening to the cd - which may be my favorite Rascal cd ever, and definitely beats their last two attempts. I love the way music sets the tone and effects your mood. I was listening to #5 (Nothing Like This) which is a better version of God Bless the Broken Road. It talks about how he thought he'd been in love before. He'd been kissed before. He thought he had it figured out before...but now he's found the real thing - and everything before was nothing like this. So, that had put me in a romantic, wistful mood. Then the very next song is a upbeat tune that starts out with a lot of happy and the words "baby, let's pretend, we're just kids. 17 again..."

Sometimes I find myself wishing that Derrick and I had known each other forever... I wish that he had known how dreamy and crazy Whitney and I were in 8th grade. I wish he truly understood the circumstances surrounding Table Survivor. I wish he had been to our homecomings, had known my teachers, had grown up with my friends. I wish he had known that innocent, naive, dreamy, crazy, silly, often immature, boring, fun girl ...who, I noticed the other day, could have used a little more makeup and fashion sense ;)(Fortunately, I think that i'm still that girl in a lot of ways). I want to share everything with him. I want to go back and be 17 with him.

I wish he had known my Papa and had gone to all of the fish fries and BBQs. I wish he had sat there listening to the community gossip while my mom and I washed the dishes. He and I would share a smile and knowing look - sharing a million thoughts with no words. He and my Papa are a lot alike - and I wish they had known each other. I wish he had met all of my relatives at all of the gatherings that I grew up going to. I wish he had been there.

And I wish I had been there for him too. I wish I had held his hand through all of his struggles and laughed with him in all of those crazy-growing-up moments. I wish I had known all of his happy-people growing up and I wish that I had sat in class, dreaming about wearing Derrick Green's letterman jacket.

But the truth is...I don't really wish those things. God used all of those experiences, exactly how they were, to make us who we are today. To make us the right people for each other. To bring us to the point where we would finally be ready to become Derrick and Renee. God knew what He was doing - and His plan plays out more beautifully than I could have ever imagined. I love our love story! I love the way everything unfolded. The way God brought us together.

Plus, Derrick and I may not have liked each other in high school. I mean, Hilltop was incredibly small and apparently everyone dated everyone - so I may have had a chance, but not likely (and I wouldn't have taken it, even if I did). Derrick was the flirty, cute, popular, class clown, always-got-in-trouble-but-they-all-loved-him guy. Homecoming king or something like that...

I was the sweet friend to everyone. Somewhere in between popular and not. I had the best group of friends and NEVER dated in high school. I am proud of the fact that I never had a date to Jr/Sr. I was yearbook editor. And I never got in trouble in class. Ever. So, really, Derrick would have thought I was a loser in high school. Cute, but weird. And I would have had a huge crush on him, probably watching bitterly from the sidelines as he dated all the other girls.

Did I tell you that God knows what He's doing? And we're blessed that He cares that much about us!

If you're out there wondering why you haven't met the right one yet...maybe he's not the right one yet. And maybe you're not the right one yet either. Maybe God is still making you who you need to be, growing you and teaching you - so that you have a beautiful love story one day. And if, you too, find yourself wishing you had known each other all along - bask in the fact that you get to share all of those memories with each other now and that the rest of your memories will be together.

Aren't you glad that God takes the time to write your love story. He pens every word, if you let Him - and He has to set the scene and make the heroine who she needs to be before the climatic moment when she gets the hero.

...and, in fairy tales and romantic fiction, the moment she gets the guy normally marks the end of the book. Aren't we blessed that God gives us a sequel? Full of more experiences and memories.
And you'll get to continue to grow and live...together!

Departure Time: Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. Derrick and I will depart from my house on our way to Cincinnati, Ohio to celebrate the marriage of one of my best friends. This trip has been a source of much anticipation. Anxiety. Speculation. Stress. Planning. And excitement.

I am a planner. And I like to be in control. Going 10 hours away, not sure what to expect, where things are, and not knowing many people doesn't seem like a controlled situation to me. What's the traffic going to be like? Are we going to get there in time? What's Derrick going to do while I'm doing bridesmaids stuff? Did I pack everything? Do I have all the information I need?

Chill.

The truth: I'm excited. This weekend holds the promise of an adventure. An adventure that holds new things and unique situations. An adventure that isn't perfectly planned or thought out - but is holding on by faith and anticipation. An adventure that I get to go on with my very best friend.

The truth: I'm ready. This weekend holds the promise of celebration. Celebrating the love of my life and how blessed I am to have him. Celebrating all of the many blessings that God has given me in 2010 - and taking time to reflect on a truly wonderful year. Celebrating the beginning of a New Year - new blessings, new adventures, new friendships, new memories. Celebrating a marriage and my wonderful and fun friendship with Jessi Buker (soon-to-be Chiu).

The truth: I'm looking forward to it. This weekend holds the promise of a memory. A memory that no one can ever take a way. That I can hold onto forever. That Derrick and I can laugh about and find warmth in. That Jessi and I can share, a memory that will make our friendship stronger. A decade from now we'll still talk about the New Years that we spent in Ohio...and that will be something special.

10 hours in a car with Derrick, listening to new cds and snapping pictures of new places, talking about everything and nothing, laughing and singing. Meeting new friends and sharing fun times with a wonderful group of girls. An afternoon in a new city with a camera in one hand and Derrick holding the other. Celebrating a beautiful day with one of my dearest friends. That's life. That's adventure. That's celebration. That's a memory. It doesn't sound too bad, now does it?

Photography!

Memories. Captured.

Derrick and I are starting to be more serious about photography - which has been a passion of ours for a while now. I believe we each have different gifts and talents in this area, but we both enjoy taking pictures, editing pictures, capturing a moment. Please feel free to contact us if you're interested in a photo session!

I'm excited to have a few photo shoots this week! I'll keep you posted.

DG*Foto

LillianRenee Photography