I was just looking through my old blogs from years past - and I realize I wrote about marriage a lot. Reading my words, my thoughts, my moments brought back such precious memories! And I figured a post with unsolicited advice and thoughts about marriage is long overdue.
After two and a half years of marriage, Derrick and I are in a really good place. Like with any relationships, there are days that you exist together, go through your routine and love each other. And then there are days that you laugh and talk and dance and touch and connect and LOVE each other. Derrick and I have been having a lot of talking and giggling and dancing days lately but, like everyone else, we have our normal days. And there's a beauty in those too.
Here's the advice you've all been waiting for (*sarcasm*) in regards to making your marriage an abundant one.
After two and a half years of marriage, Derrick and I are in a really good place. Like with any relationships, there are days that you exist together, go through your routine and love each other. And then there are days that you laugh and talk and dance and touch and connect and LOVE each other. Derrick and I have been having a lot of talking and giggling and dancing days lately but, like everyone else, we have our normal days. And there's a beauty in those too.
Here's the advice you've all been waiting for (*sarcasm*) in regards to making your marriage an abundant one.
Marry your best friends or be best friends with the one you marry
It makes life so much easier when you marry your best friend. The person you naturally have fun with and can have fun with doing anything or nothing. If you are married and aren't best friends, make an effort to get to know and enjoy each other that way.
It makes life so much easier when you marry your best friend. The person you naturally have fun with and can have fun with doing anything or nothing. If you are married and aren't best friends, make an effort to get to know and enjoy each other that way.
Find joy in the little things
Most of life is the little, every day things. Most of life is TV and grilled cheese. Most of life is laundry and dishes, double dates and family night. Make sure you can find the joy in doing a snow dance, watching your new netflix show, waking up next to each other, fast food after church, notes packed in his lunch...
Most of life is the little, every day things. Most of life is TV and grilled cheese. Most of life is laundry and dishes, double dates and family night. Make sure you can find the joy in doing a snow dance, watching your new netflix show, waking up next to each other, fast food after church, notes packed in his lunch...
Talk
Honestly there are a lot of days where Derrick and I just talk on the surface - about work or plans for the week or what's for dinner. But there are some things we consistently talk to each other about; we always talk about additions to the calendar before we confirm, big purchases before we buy, big decisions before we make them... And sometimes, when I'm not expecting it, we find ourselves in deep conversations about God or marriage or friendships or kids or careers or church.
Touch
Yes, sex is super important in a marriage - but just touching is important. Hugs after work. Kisses before bed. Cuddling while you watch TV. High fives when you're excited. A good massage after a hard day. Holding hands while you're shopping...
Yes, sex is super important in a marriage - but just touching is important. Hugs after work. Kisses before bed. Cuddling while you watch TV. High fives when you're excited. A good massage after a hard day. Holding hands while you're shopping...
Have hobbies
Together and separately. I read and watch The Bachelor - those are my things. Derrick plays video games and does video. But we have shows we watch together and games we play together. Board games are our new hobby - and something we can do together and with other friends and family. It's good to have your own personal hobbies. And it's good to have a hobby or two that you share with your spouse.
Together and separately. I read and watch The Bachelor - those are my things. Derrick plays video games and does video. But we have shows we watch together and games we play together. Board games are our new hobby - and something we can do together and with other friends and family. It's good to have your own personal hobbies. And it's good to have a hobby or two that you share with your spouse.
Surround yourself with Christian couples
We are blessed in this area, and I never take that for granted. Other happily-married Christian couples inspire us, support us, make us laugh, encourage us in Christ, understand us, speak truth to us, set an example for us and would be there for us if we ever had a struggle...plus, they're fun! If you don't have good Christian couples - both as friends and mentors - I'd love to help you out!
We are blessed in this area, and I never take that for granted. Other happily-married Christian couples inspire us, support us, make us laugh, encourage us in Christ, understand us, speak truth to us, set an example for us and would be there for us if we ever had a struggle...plus, they're fun! If you don't have good Christian couples - both as friends and mentors - I'd love to help you out!
Build each other up and appreciate each other
Compliment each other - privately and publicly. Appreciate each other - using all of the love languages. When your spouse does something kind and loving, take time to notice it. Tell them when they look good. When they have a good idea. When they blow your mind with their insight or creativity or talent or kisses.
Maybe you feel stuck, you feel like your spouse isn't loving you well - take time to notice the small ways that they are loving you and appreciate that. Eventually, they'll probably notice and grow in how they show you love.
Compliment each other - privately and publicly. Appreciate each other - using all of the love languages. When your spouse does something kind and loving, take time to notice it. Tell them when they look good. When they have a good idea. When they blow your mind with their insight or creativity or talent or kisses.
Maybe you feel stuck, you feel like your spouse isn't loving you well - take time to notice the small ways that they are loving you and appreciate that. Eventually, they'll probably notice and grow in how they show you love.
Be silly together
Sing together. Dance together. Make up words together. Speak in British accents. Tickle each other. Play MarioKart. Skip. Be silly and young and crazy together.
Sing together. Dance together. Make up words together. Speak in British accents. Tickle each other. Play MarioKart. Skip. Be silly and young and crazy together.
Don't expect too much
Whaaaaat? Yeah. I said it. Don't expect rose petals on the bed. Don't expect handwritten sonnets. Don't expect a dozen roses on every holiday. Don't expect to be whisked
away on a weekend trip to Paris.
Sometimes we have these fantasies in our minds - thanks to TV and romance novels and years of daydreaming - of grandeur. When we allow ourselves to expect something, without ever verbalizing it, then we set up our partner for failure and ourselves up for disappointment.
Yes, expect to be treated well. Expect sweet nothings. Expect respect and friendship and passion. But be realistic. And appreciate what's right in front of you.
"And above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8
Whaaaaat? Yeah. I said it. Don't expect rose petals on the bed. Don't expect handwritten sonnets. Don't expect a dozen roses on every holiday. Don't expect to be whisked
away on a weekend trip to Paris.
Sometimes we have these fantasies in our minds - thanks to TV and romance novels and years of daydreaming - of grandeur. When we allow ourselves to expect something, without ever verbalizing it, then we set up our partner for failure and ourselves up for disappointment.
Yes, expect to be treated well. Expect sweet nothings. Expect respect and friendship and passion. But be realistic. And appreciate what's right in front of you.
"And above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8
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