Sizzling Summer Series: 'Cause you love him

Just a reminder, if you didn't read the first post...
I've joined forces with some of my best wifey-friends to write these posts. 
Our thoughts, ideas and experiences are mixed in together -
 as one - so you will have no idea who is credited with what :)

Here's what you should know before we dive in:
1. We believe that God created sex as an act of love, intimacy and connection 
(and baby making) between a husband and a wife within the union of marriage.

2. If you have had sex outside of marriage, we believe in a God who loves redeeming and restoring. 

3. We realize that our experiences aren't everyone's. 
We also realize that we're all still pretty much in our newlywed stages so we aren't experts. 
But it's our heart to share with you.

This is going to be a more honest post. 
A more blunt post. And probably the most relevant and important yet. 

To men, sex is a primary way to show love and be satisfied within the marriage relationship. In addition, they physically need sex in a much different way than women do. So, sometimes, you should do it just ‘cause you love him. Sometimes, especially for women, sex is just sex – it isn’t this romantic display of fireworks – but every time it is an important way to show love to your husband.

When I'm not "in the mood" or don't "feel" like having sex, I try to get out of that mindset and enjoy serving my husband. Let's face it, guys need sex more than we do. And there has never been one time where I have regretted it afterwards. It always ends up being fun. It just takes a little effort sometimes to put myself "in the mood." Then, it's totally worth it.

Some weeks are better than others. Some weeks, I want to have sex more. Some weeks it sounds exhausting. I think that's ok. Just as long as you make it a priority in your relationship through the on-weeks and the off-weeks, then those “sex is amazing” times are sure to come. Sometimes you just have to make the time, you have to schedule it, you have to put it on your to do list. Just do it. Seriously.

If you’re having trouble getting motivated for sex, remember that it is a huge way to show love to your husband. Make it about him. Become less selfish about it, and you'll enjoy it more! Don't think "What's in it for me?", instead think how can I give him amazing pleasure?

Build him up. Boost his ego! Be his biggest cheerleader. Let him know how much you adore him. Whenever you think he looks good,  tell him. And while it's wonderful to tell him he's handsome, tell him when he’s hot and sexy. Tell him there's no other guy in the world you'd rather be with. He'd love to hear it! Go crazy and talk dirty if you want to! Because guess what...in marriage, it's not dirty! It's awesome!

(Oh, by the way, your time of the month doesn't mean you have to take a hiatus from all sexual activity. He does not want it any less that week! Please him in other ways, experiment!)

Ladies, listen...there are temptations in this world vying for your husbands attention all of the time. He doesn't have to look for them - they're there. But how blessed and satisfied is the husband who has a wife who thinks he's a rockstar and who shares herself with him and satisfies him sexually and otherwise! Sometimes I flash my husband in the morning or give him naked kisses just so he goes to work remembering how awesome his wife is. That's important - you have to make it a priority to make your man the happiest man in the world. Men need to feel confident and adored somewhere - let it be with you, not somewhere else.

Sizzling Summer Series: Communication

Just a reminder, if you didn't read the first post...
I've joined forces with some of my best wifey-friends to write these posts. 
Our thoughts, ideas and experiences are mixed in together -
 as one - so you will have no idea who is credited with what :)

Here's what you should know before we dive in:
1. We believe that God created sex as an act of love, intimacy and connection 
(and baby making) between a husband and a wife within the union of marriage.

2. If you have had sex outside of marriage, we believe in a God who loves redeeming and restoring. 

3. We realize that our experiences aren't everyone's. 
We also realize that we're all still pretty much in our newlywed stages so we aren't experts. 
But it's our heart to share with you. 


Communication.

 Sure, some of us have degrees in it...but none of us are perfect communicators and communication can become a huge issue in marriage.
 Even when it comes to sex.


First of all, as you’re figuring out relationships, marriage roles, and sex - don't be afraid to ask for help, to talk about it with your spouse, your friends and godly counselors. Men and women are different and have different views of the world. That's ok - it’s how God made us. It's not always easy to talk about things or ask for help, but you don't have to feel like you are the only one experiencing a specific situation. You may feel like other wives have everything under control or that other marriages are perfect, but if you open up your heart with them, you might find a kindred spirit going through the same thing. 


In your marriage, talk to each other. 
 Especially about expectations. Most arguments, hurt feelings, and frustrations occur because expectations are way off. If I expect a night of watching a movie on the couch until it's time to sleep because I'm exhausted, but he comes home ready to get it on, we are definitely not on the same page. And expectations aren't just about sex. If I expect the clean dishes in the dishwasher to be put away while I'm out for the night as a "surprise," even though I don't ask, he's probably not going to do it and I'll be frustrated. Expectations are what I've realized start almost all of our "disagreements." Talking them out first saves a lot of hurt feelings.


Most of the time issues over sex have been because of miscommunication or assumptions. Like when I wear matching bra and undies and he doesn't automatically assume I was doing that to impress him and let him know that I'm ready.... BUT make up sex is great when you've both talked through the issue and want to restore intimacy! 


If sex is something you struggle with, talk to the Lord about it!  He created it, he wants it for us, it says in the Bible that the only reason we should abstain from sex with our spouse is if we are in an established time of prayer & fasting! So basically the Bible is telling married couples to have lots of sex when you think about it! So talk to Him about it. Ask Him to instill in you a desire for it. Ask Him to show you how to love and serve your husband best. After all, He knows you and your husband best! He understands! I honestly believe He can give you a desire and to work through any problems with itI know I've prayed it before when I haven't felt like having sex! It may sound weird but you can talk to the Lord about anything. 


Don't be afraid to talk to your spouse about sex. 
After all, they are your best friend - and they're the only ones who get to figure it out with you. 

Sizzling Summer Series: Coming Content

So, here we go. I've joined forces with some of my very best friends and some very sexy wives who are crazy about their husbands to write these posts. Our thoughts, ideas and experiences are mixed in together - as one - so you will have no idea who is credited with what :) My husband wants to make sure you know these are not all my experiences and thoughts, although I agree with and support all that is said.

Here's what you should know before we dive in:
1. We believe that God created sex as an act of love, intimacy and connection (and baby making) between a husband and a wife within the union of marriage.

2. If you have had sex outside of marriage, we believe in a God who loves redeeming and restoring. 

3. We realize that our experiences aren't everyone's. We also realize that we're all still pretty much in our newlywed stages so we aren't experts. But it's our heart to share with you. 

Here we go...

First of all, for those of you who are still single, 
enjoy this season of your life. Daydream and plan for the future, but don't make it your focus. You will get there one day, but now is the only season of your life that you will be single. Enjoy it. Make memories. Live in the present.

Don’t rush into a physical relationship and take strides to keep your mind pure. It’s human nature to be curious about sexuality – but keeping your mind and body pure is what God wants for us, and it will make your future marriage so much better. It’s hard in today’s society, so make sure that you form boundaries and have people around you who know and respect those boundaries and can hold you accountable.

By the way, real sex is not like the cutaway sex scenes in the movies.  It’s not always hot and passionate. It’s not nice and clean. It’s not always bendy and creative. But it’s much deeper, more intimate and more connecting than TV could ever convey. 

For those getting married soon,
 get good marriage counseling. You may have a great relationship but marriage counseling can help you talk through things which will make things easier later. Talk about money, roles for each of you, in-laws, holidays, sex, etc. Having this can help avoid future conflict, because you know what to expect. And talk with couples in different stages of marriage who have been through different things to hear their experiences and encouragement. 

For you wives out there,
 have faith that you aren't the only one wondering about something, dealing with that thing or feeling that way. Curious about why your husband likes that or doesn't? Curious about why it just isn't working out for you? No woman is the perfect wife. We all have different strengths and different weaknesses - that's why God wants us to live in community with one another. I hope this series will help you feel encouraged and refreshed as a woman and as a wife.

The most important thing going into this series, if you are a follower of Jesus, is that being closer to Jesus prepares you for your (future) spouse and brings you closer to your spouse. I know it doesn't necessarily seem like it would be true, but it is. When I am reading the words of Jesus and falling more in love with Him, every area of my life is clearer and better. Including sex and marriage.

Curious about what we're going to cover next? Stay tuned!

What's going on, what's coming up

Since my last post was a little heavy - on modesty and summer fashion - I thought I would do something a little lighter. Just catch everyone up on what's going on and what's coming up in my life and on my blog. 

Derrick and my schedule is, once again, overflowing with friends, family, church and work. We are incredibly blessed with abundant lives full of people who love us and who build us up. 

Last week, we had our normal family nights, small group fellowship and Friday-night home cleaning. On Saturday, Derrick worked all day, and I spent the morning shopping with a friend and then celebrating new life with some new and old friends at a baby shower. The shower was for Heather - who I just met a few months ago when we were in Jessica's wedding together - but I think we will forever be connected. And, I have to say, my dear friend Jessica has some aaaaamazing crafty decorating skills. 

Sunday was a day of hanging out with our Father and our dads. Morning worship time, lunch and a lazy afternoon with Mr. Billy, Sunday @ 5 service at church and dinner and a movie with my Dad. God has truly blessed us with our dads, and it was fun to get to hang out with them and love on them. 

Last night I had the opportunity to go out with my girl friends, while Derrick edited and hung out with one of his friends. It's so fun just to talk about everything and nothing, laugh, catch up, and build one another up. 

There's a lot coming up:

Hanging out with new church friends and catching up with old church friends this week!

Pullen Park Round 2 with Whitney and Aaron.

Summer Orientation over the next 3 weeks - with a conference in Philidelphia in between (4 days away from Derrick and only my second time flying ever...I'm both pumped and very anxious). 

Small group family outings and First Friday dinners.

Bowling and dinner with my girl friends and their husbands. 

A weekend trip to Charlotte to see my friend Carrie's play...

Stay tuned for my sizzling summer series:

After the response from my last bikini blog post (thank you for your support!), I've decided to tackle a rarely covered subject in Christian circles...unless you see a table of newly wed women quietly whispering in the corner...

Sex. 

I've gotten opinions, advice and ideas from my panel of sexperts (okay, really, my panel of newlywed and not-so-newly-anymore-wed friends) - and I'm excited to share. It will most likely become a 4-6 part post over the next month or so - so stay tuned!

If women could agree on one thing...

Okay, there are many things I wish we all agreed on as women. But I know it's not going to happen. So if there were one thing I wish that we could all get on the same page about this summer it would be this...

Let's agree to quit wearing bikinis. 

Yep. That's it. 

I'm just going to be completely blunt about why:

1. You can't tell me that the constant fear of your butt hanging out or your top popping out is comfortable.

2. When I see you in a bikini, I'm either thinking about how much better you look than I would (so yay for winning but fail on sisterly love and respect) or I'm thinking how much better I would look in a bikini than you do. Truth. 

3. When my husband sees you in a bikini, he's either thinking about how good you look (and there are enough temptations in this world - I do NOT need you becoming another one) or he's thinking about how much better I look. But, knowing my husband, he's likely thinking you need to put some more clothes on. 

4. My underwear and bra cover more than most bikinis. How would you feel if I showed up in front of your loved ones, boyfriend/husband/future husband, kids wearing my panties? 

 5. Trust me, covering up your fat is much more attractive. 

6. If you are a Christian, it should be your heart to want to build up other believers and not to tear them down (women) or make them stumble (men). Do you really want to make it harder for your brother in Christ to keep his thoughts pure?

("But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.")

7. If you are a Jesus-follower, then you represent Him as a daughter of our Creator. If you're a wife, then you represent your husband as well. As a Christian woman and Derrick's wife, I want to be seen as beautiful and classy...but more than that, as warm, friendly, kind and caring. I do want to look nice, put together and pretty, but I don't want to be a stumbling block or be immodestly inappropriate. I hope you feel the same. 

 "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness." 

1 Timothy 2:9-10

P.S. Parents with preteen and teenage daughters - I would urge you to reconsider allowing them to wear bikinis. Teenage boys struggle with their sexual desires and don't need their classmates and friends walking around almost naked. Plus, we need to teach our daughters modesty and respect at a young age. Plus, there are creepy, sick perverts out there...truth. 

So yay for beautiful, classy one pieces and sassy tankinis that can make you feel appropriately confident and beautiful:

Weekend away!

I have been looking forward to this past weekend for two months...every since our friends Allen and Sara moved south. See, they used to live 47 seconds from us. Now they live almost five hours away. So on Friday, we headed to Anderson, South Carolina, to spend the weekend with the Bakers. 

This is what the world looked like when we left home late Friday afternoon.

Baker time! We spent Saturday morning relaxing with The Settlers of Catan. It was complicated...it was awesome! 

Saturday afternoon we went to downtown Greenville (SC). It was gorgeous! 

Derrick and I were in love with the fact that they have a waterfall in a park downtown. You're just walking along looking at stores and smelling amazing restaurants and then *boom* park with waterfall. Step it up, Raleigh...seriously.

There was also this awesome tree.

(And Sara doing yoga)

We ate at this interesting Mexican-Japanese restaurant...and then went to Coffee Underground for dessert. It's this cozy, relaxed little coffee shop underground that anyone near Greenville should check out- great vibe...

And aaaaaaamazing pie (chocolate pecan). 

We ended the night with Settlers Round 2...

And this morning we were blessed to worship at NewSpring Church, where Allen works now. 

It was a great weekend with some of our favorite friends! 

We hate that they no longer live 47 seconds away, but we love that visiting them now means that we get to go on an awesome trip ;)

Oh yeah, and this is what we came home to...

Just another manic Monday...

I normally love Mondays. Seriously. 

A new, fresh start. And a time to be productive. The beginning of another week that could hold so many memories and adventures.

Today tested me. 

I didn't sleep well last night. Dreaming of mice. 

 

Not cute. 

 

Then Derrick and I both woke up under the weather. 

Nothing specific. General blah-ness. 

For Derrick, things just continued to pile up. Unexpected expenses. Unexpected adult tasks. Unexpected bills and charges on things that we hadn't dropped the ball on. 

 

Then, at 4:45, I head to my car. I would surprise Derrick with a Coke, no ice, from McDonalds and pick up a few groceries that we needed. 

I turn the key in my car...and nothing happened. Dead. Yep, in all of the chaos, I had left my lights on. 

Feeling incredibly guilty, I text to my sweet husband who had just told me I was awesome:

"Not so awesome. Car battery's dead. My fault."

And just like that, he's on his way to fix it. I'm in my office now, answering student emails, writing, waiting. And the rain has subsided. The sun is shining.

In the end, it's turned out to be a productive Monday. Just like I like it.

But the thing that I love is that we never once blamed each other. We got frustrated at situations, sure, but not at one another. And when we both made stupid little mistakes (which we both did today), we didn't attack the other one. 

Your spouse, your loved ones, your friends are going to make mistakes. They're human. They have those days. Those moments. But on those days, in those moments - they are fully aware that they messed up. They don't need you to tell them. They need you to love them. Be their helper (in my case, helpmate). Be their friend. Be their safe place.