Women: Failure to Fit

So many times I talk myself out of typing my heart and putting it out there - all big and bright and loud and quiet and messy - for everyone to see. But this afternoon I will put it out there. 

So many times, moments, seasons I struggle to feel like I fit. 

I think part of it is being a woman. Now, I am not one to often stand up for the plight of women. I am traditional. And I believe women can now do anything they dream. And that's where some of the conflict comes in.  

In general, men - in the church and in society - work full-time. In construction. In ministry. In the corporate world. 9 to 5 or more. Like it or not, no matter what that looks like, that's the expected path for a man. 

But women...women can work full-time. Women can stay at home with kids. Women can work part time. Women can climb the corporate ladder. Women can homeschool. Women can take years off of work to return when the kids go back to school. 

And I don't know where I fit in that. 

I work a full-time job. And I love it. It's my ministry. It's my community. It's my calling. It's my challenge and my growth. And I would go stir crazy without my job. 

But I don't know if it's my forever career. And I don't know that it's not. I don't have the utter ambition to want to take over the world and fight the glass ceiling. But I find pride in the privilege and power I have in my position. I want to grow and learn and do and make a difference - and I don't know what that looks like long-term. 

Many of my friends, the women I love, and those who surround me in my personal life, have a heart to spend time at home and be amazing moms. To work in more flexible positions and part-time jobs and focus on family. They have time for play dates, boutique shopping, Hobby Lobby trips, and talent for creative crafts that become their income. And sometimes I am jealous of them. 

But I don't know if that's my heart and skill-set either. I like kids - but I'm not ready to give myself up for them...yet. I'm not crafty. And I'd rather stay home or work late than go shopping. 

So I don't know where I fit in that. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm sacrificing time with my family and friends to focus on my career. And I struggle with that. And sometimes I feel like I'm not there enough for my students and my career, because I'm taking time for my family and friends. And I struggle with that. 

I have no idea what the next season of my life will hold. And that's hard. And sometimes it's really hard to connect with other women. The stay-at-home-moms. The corporate ladder-climbers.Those juggling both. 

So, why did I decide to share this? 

Because you might struggle to feel like you fit too.

Maybe you're passionate about your career, but you're struggling to reach the top because of sexism and disrespect. 

Maybe you're a single twenty or thirty something, feeling like there must be something wrong with you, as you attend wedding after wedding and baby shower after baby shower.

Maybe you're a stay-at-home-mom who secretly misses your job outside the home.

Maybe you're a mom who works full time and hates missing time with your kids, but you don't have a choice.

Maybe you're mourning a marriage that died too soon. 

Maybe you're staring at a positive pregnancy test, and you feel guilty that you aren't excited about it.

Maybe you're in your 40s and trying to find love again, in the midst of married friends and bad E-Harmony connections.

Maybe you're been trying to get pregnant for years, hiding the tears as all of your friends announce their pregnancies.

As hard as it is to be at peace with, God has you in this season, in this place, in this position for a purpose. Your life - today, as is - is your ministry. Your moment. Your mission. Your situation is unique - on purpose. It may be hard to accept, but it's your time to embrace. 

And maybe, as women, we should be more accepting and more open about talking about how we're feeling, how we're fitting, what we're going through. 

You're not alone.