For I know the plans I have for you...

Jeremiah 29:11 has been hanging on the wall in my office for years. 

"For I  know the plans I  have for you," says the Lord.

His plans. The plans He has for me. Not the plans that I have for me. Or the plans I think He has for me. Or the plans I think I have for Him.

It's reassuring that God can see the whole story. The whole picture. The puzzle is complete when He looks at it. It's also unnerving that I can't see the whole story, the whole picture. My puzzle is very incomplete. 

I was reminded of this a week ago.

I sat in my boss' office. Don't cry. Be gracious. Smile. Just don't cry.  

I had just learned that my job was shifting. I would no longer be the Admissions Coordinator for the College of Arts & Sciences - my job of 3 1/2 years. I would now work in the Admissions office as a counselor. I would no longer work for the dean that I loved, with the professors who had become my family, and no longer in my own office with windows all up one side. 

My mind was spinning. What would they do without me? What would I do without them? I was numb, brokenhearted, confused, humbled, proud, disheartened...
yet, still open to the knowledge that God saw it all and had a plan. I knew I needed to be open to His plan, even if I didn't feel like it.

That was last Tuesday. The rest of the week was a mixture of frustration, sadness and curiosity. I cried more than I'd like to admit. And my mind was constantly spinning. I felt like my work-world, which was so much more than a job, was crumbling down around me, and I had no choice in the matter.

For me, it was more of a spiritual struggle than anything else. I struggled to have a positive attitude. To give my whole heart to God's direction in my life. I struggled to even know what that direction was. I felt out of control, and it drove me crazy to not know what the next step might look like.

The situation seemed so big. So life-altering. 

I was also afraid that I might take the wrong next step. That I would go down the wrong path. That I would disappoint. That I would fail. That I wouldn't be good enough...

I was struggling- big time - with pride. I was good at my coordinator job. I was proud of my coordinator job. I was loved in that job and needed in that job. And now, something that I had found an identity in and felt confident in and sure of myself in, had been taken away from me. My self-righteous heart couldn't believe it. My sin nature fought hard core with the Spirit in me, the part of me that knew God was humbling me, and He would give me strength in Him to do whatever the next step held.

Now I sit here a week later. God is good and, oh so, mysterious. That's the beauty of His plan. I'm feeling much better. Still heartbroken and a little disoriented. Ready to learn the new job and get settled - feeling disorganized in limbo. But I'm also excited about the possibilities, the plan, the people...and open to seeing what God sees up ahead for me. 

And I'm thankful - very thankful - to the people God has put in my life to encourage me and speak truth to me during this time. My husband has been a rock, my friends and family have been so understanding, and my coworkers have been showering me with love.

And, once again, I am reminded of my favorite passage of scripture in John 10 - which, in God's perfect timing, actually made an appearance in my personal bible study just today...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."